fun facts about the world

I don’t usually even post daily on my blog, so you are lucky today that something else caught my attention after my self-promotional posting earlier.

I’ve been to Amersterdam twice. I enjoyed myself much more the second time, when I stayed in a cleaner area -but Amsterdam is at the forefront of allowing degenerate shit to happen right under its nose. Amsterdam is basically filled with the type of dudes who own porno stores in the city (think perverted looking middle-eastern dudes) who will run up on you, with no regard for your personal space, screaming "cocaine, ecstacy."

It is also very true that for a nominal fee, you can have intercourse with a woman of the night -legally- in the red light distict. While I didn’t engage in either "cocaine, ecstacy" or any postitutes, the line between legal and illict behaviour in Amesterdam is a fairly thin one.

I mention all of this because I recently came across this article on Yahoo! about how the Dutch government is trying to ban burkas -which is kinda like the "wardrobe as a cage/cage as a wardrobe" worn by some Muslim women. While I fell that is such a fairly reasonable idea (I’m no champion of womans rights -although I did once get a blowjob from Susan B. Anthony on the G train) mainly because I’m sick of Muslim dudes preventing me from oggling their women by keepin them wrapped up in (to borrow a term) bee-keeper suits and out of sight. It can also be said that middle-eastern and Indian girls are the new Asian girls. Sorry Asain girls, you had a nice run as "exotic du jour" but it’s over.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061117/ap_on_re_eu/netherlands_burqa_ban

By the same token, it does seem pretty crazy that the Netherlands is the country at the forefront of this movement. The Netherlands, or at least Amesterdam, is a pretty "free" place -in the sense that you can pretty much do whatever you want and no one will stop you or even gawk at you. For other reasons, there has been some backlash by the Muslim organizations in the area, who cite religious freedom- and they do have a point.

By the same token, I think Muslims have kinda overstayed their welcome in the civilized world. Mind you, "normal" Muslims really haven’t done anything wrong and I’m sure a great deal of them have assimilated into the larer civilized socities that they were allowed to immigrate to. Those are "muslims" in the sense that I am "catholic." By the same token, when the thing most associated with your religion is a cry of "allah" and then a large explosion, perhaps it is time to launch your own publicity campaign citing the positive aspects of said religion. For example, Halal meat. Tasty AND peaceful!!

I dunno. Religion is pretty gay - no disrespect to God or homosexuals.

^ Good writing.

My rap group, Chronikill was recently mentioned in an article about Roosevelt Island printed in "The Wire" -a Roosevelt Island newspaper. It is worth noting that Roosevelt Island arrested me almost 6 months before the article was printed. I suppose this may be their way of making amends.

Here is the link: http://nyc10044.com/wire/2703/Blogosphere.html

Also, we will be playing our last show of 2006 on Saturday November 25th at 10:30PM. Included below is a flier, which can save you $2 if you print it and show it at the door. Soon we will go back to doing free/cheap shows, but just bear with us for a minute. The drugs studio time doesn’t pay for itself. Desmonds Tavern, the venue, is centrally located and features bathrooms and chairs.

If you haven’t been to our real/fake website on myspace, you should check it out. We have a couple of songs as well as live video clips for songs we haven’t recorded yet. It’s like going to one of our shows for free!

Oh, and I lied about the flier. Our real website is down at the moment (thank you to everyone that emailed me, I am aware of the problem and "I" am on it.) so, stay tuned for another post or an email heads up before the show. Should be a great time, mad people in town for the Holiday Weekend. Festive atmosphere and hip-hop. Life in a nutshell. Here are the details though.

I lied again, our website is working and I found the flier:

Thanksgiving Reunion Show

CHRONIKILL and FRIENDS

SATURDAY 11/25 10:30pm

DESMONDS Tavern (park ave. sotuh b/w 29th and 30th Street)

-Plymouth ROX

while sitting at the job spot allowing my talents to erode, it occured to me that i am getting older i’m not as young as i once was. i dont really spend that much time wishing i was on some seize that day shit, but it did occur to me that most of the things i regret in my life were things i didnt do as oppossed to shit i did do. i pretty much feel as though most things are worth doing once (no homo) and i generally think that if (activity) is wack, well so be it. ain’t nobody going to make you do it again. anyway, rather than continue to bore you (in some cases, to death) with the lowercase no apostrophe stylings of a gully muh’fucka (people dont say gully anymore huh? i suppose in some circles they never said it. word to me not being as young as i once was.) on a thirsty tuesday i will hit you with a list of things i’d like to accomplish. some of them are long term. like spanning decades. you have goals?

yeah, i bet you do.

1-learning to drive. it doesnt bother me that i dont know how to drive, it bothers me that if i was to hop in a whip and start driving, i would prolly get popped for not having a license. i cant even really spell license with any confidence. last time i drove a car, i crashed (ever so gently) into my boy AGs crib while he was asleep (full disclosure, it was his car) while at the height of intoxication. i remember whipping it around uptown new orleans with no lights on and no clue how to turn the lights on. ahhh, memories.

2-smoke a blunt while looking at remnants of the roman acqueduct (it is roman, no?) around nice,france. i got love for france, even if its not the popular thing to do these days. i remember vividly this flick in an art book (im assuming this was hs as most of my post-hs memories of education are hazy, at best) of the acqueduct and I guess a forest or some shit (in retrospect, i may have been a bit liberal with my usage of ‘vividly’) and it had a look of being untouched since the acqueduct was built. in a strange way it made me reflect on human advances in the face of nature and how, eventually, empires crumble, their armies disband but nature is unrelenting. it seemed like i could do some real deep thinking there and that i could urinate freely without fear of reprecussion. alas, in my youthful ignorance i neglected to rip the page out of the book so this goal may require some research. thank god for the internet.

3-be buried in a pyramid. ideally of solid gold. a monument to the man. i’d like it to be in NYC, but as long as it is in America, thats cool. i imagine i would need some sort of way of keeping it clean and nice, but i’ll leave that to my (unborn) children. i can imagine it now.

young woman: hey you, what do you do?

my son: i keep my fathers pyramid clean and free of birdshit.

young woman: shall we have casual relations?

my son: (in r.kelly voice) now usually I don’t do this but……(cue "ignition (remix))

4-ive never been iceskating at wolman rink in central park. i havent even ice skated in years, but i always enjoyed it. this is a lot more doable than the first 3, but alas, it would be without the sense of accomplishment if i do check it off the invisible to do list.

5-have kids. that i know about. ha!

6-i really want to pee in the indian ocean. i will than purchase myself a t-shirt that says "i peed in the indian ocean."

7-continue to amuse myself. although my motto is "unamused and unimpressed" (my other motto is "god-like, not god") i tend to amuse, if not ever impress, myself. i’m just the man like that.

AUTHORS NOTE: the title of this post is an allusion to the Beanie Siegel song of the same name. in it he says "y’all don’t do much. sit on the block and look dumb." or something to that effect. just keep that in mind next time ya sitting on the block looking dumb.

Are you a tease or a tramp? Nothing says mindless fun like the 9/11 quiz! http://nomoregames.net/911_quiz/911_quiz.htm

Jay-Z and Russel Simmons team up to combat anti-semitism. Really! http://www.allhiphop.com/hiphopnews/?ID=6387

South Ossetia votes to become independent from Georgia. Which Georgia? Click to find out! http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20061113/ts_afp/georgiaossetiarussiavote_061113163056

If you hate the taste of water, you may have mental problems. Then again…. http://www.nypost.com/seven/11132006/gossip/pagesix/hunger_pangs_pagesix_.htm

…..And you wonder why I’m not married yet?? (from overheardinnewyork)

The First Arm’s Easy, the Second One’s a Real Problem

Long Island JAP #1: Are all New York City girls drug-addict whores?
Long Island JAP #2: Yeah, but so are girls from Long Island. There’s really no difference.
Random Upper East Side JAP: Oh my god, can I just interject for a second here? Long Island girls and New York City girls are not the same thing. It is not okay to wear Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirts, and we’re all addicted to drugs because we don’t have gross Long Island weed and coke that is ninety-nine percent baking soda. And we’re whores because we’re like a thousand times hotter than you’ll ever be, even when we’re not wearing makeup. Plus, I don’t tawk like this.
Long Island JAP #1: Wow, that was, like, seriously uncalled for.
Upper East Side JAP: Yeah well, I’d rather cut off my own arms than live in Long Island. Also, I’m just high, so don’t really pay attention to me.

–Serafina, Upper East Side

Well, that’s me, amusing you for 10 minutes. Which is substantially more than YOU have ever done for me. A little gratitude would be nice every once and again. Now I’m going to use the bathroom and smoke a cigarette, as my work doesn’t do itself. So there.

So, I figured after I publish a few books of my memoirs, I will probably get around to compiling a bunch of gems from my personal, private correspondence. "I’mma drop the book and then chase it with the documentary" -Jadakiss.

Here is some super-secret email correspondence between me and one of my friends in "the industry" as us hip types call New York City. My friend published a photograph of superhuman Barry Sanders and below it linked to a song from an Australian band called "Faux Pas" (check them out!). I commented on his blog that "Barry Sanders was the best that ever did it. Faux Pas is no Barry Sanders." And then I recieved this email.

My Friend Writes: he’s a reader that sent his stuff in to us. we get a lot of that, but i actually like this guy’s music. i think it’s funny you insulted him
right away.

I Respond:

Halloween is an affront to God. One or two f’s? A felony is an F. How you gonna dress up like you ain’t proud of who you are? How you gonna win if you ain’t right within? I said, how you gonna win if you ain’t right within?

It’s cool for girls and kids aged 12 and under to dress up…No disrespect, I had mad fun with halloween when I was young. But like breast-feeding and going to elementary school, Halloween is the sort of shit men should grow out of. I would love it (to touch upon an issue I raised some time ago) if they did a Milwalkeees Best Light commercial where the giant can came from the sky killed some dude dressed up as "batman" or whatever is popping off these days. Theeeeeeese days.

But on the real…. if I see another dude wearing a dress or pretending to be some other shit he isn’t, I may just OD and get at his grill with an ox. It’s all fun and games to play dress up until some angry alcoholic (me) slices your face to ribbons because they feel you are having too much fun and your carefree attitude goes against everything they believe in -mainly people not walking around smiling and laughing and pretending to be bitch-made, land of make believe charachters from some movie I ain’t even see. I don’t know you dude.

I mean, uh… Trick or Treat.

Razors in apples in 2006.

"It wasn’t even close to Halloween"

Good day all.

In my amazing life of wonder and amazingness I have very few obstacles to overcome. Life has been very good to me and for that I am thankful. However, traipsing through life surrounded by beautiful women hasn’t been without the occasional instance of people misappropriating my style and claiming it for their own.

There have been numerous glaring instances of this recently, so many that I can’t even remember them all at press time. I will now bring two of them to light

You may have remembered my springtime campaign of asking people if they had read the latest issue of GQ. After they said "no" I would inform them that GQ said that "pale and skinny is the new tan and diesel." Just the other day I (well someone else saw it and told me) saw someone wearing a T-shirt that said "pale is the new tan." I have received nary a royalty check or a thank-you note from the faceless hipster who stole my idea and claimed it as his own. Thats some wack bullshit.

Also, while the homie cyph was at the movies with his lady friend watching "Man Of The Year" there was apparently a scene where they talk about and make fun of the idea of having "coffee with kofi annan." This is something that has been mentioned in this very blog before and had previously been recorded as a skit for the now chronikill album. Don’t believe me? Check my post on Feb. 8th 2006 entitled "Jesus Christ, Action Figure." You’ll see the line "And on that note Alito, I’ll be back for part three of three in my "religion is the bane of our collective existence" series at a later date. Until then, you can say this little prayer I wrote post-Katrina to make me feel more upbeat about the horrors or the world: "We’re drinking coffee with Kofi Annan/ Where have the Mardi Gras Indians gone…..of the tiger!/"

Clearly this is a blatant rip-off and I’m not happy about it. So next time you imagine me drinking Tropical Fantasy (fitty cent sodas in the hood they going crazy) in the Tropic of Cancer, just realize that the resort I’m staying at is probably owned by a jealous hater who got rich stealing my ideas.

I’m done for the week.

Come out to see Chronikill this Saturday night at 10pm at Desmonds Tavern on 29th Street and Park Ave. It will be awesome. I mean, I’ll be there. Sheeeeeeet.

If you are new to my blog or just wonder how to get to all the old posts, here is a classic where I propose that they create an Americatown bus in China. Watch, this shit will be invented by next weekend..

http://funfactsabouttheworld.blogs.friendster.com/fun_facts_about_the_world/2006/02/the_americatown.html

Hey y’all!

I’ve been distracted by football and alcohol recently and I haven’t been able to post as much as I wanted. If you want to buy me a laptop and fast Internet, I would be able to post more frequently. If you want to steal those things and give them to me, thats cool too. As A Buddhist, I feel as though all property is transitive anyway. Just don’t go repeating that line to the cops.

Anyway, in between training for the 2010 Olympics and teaching kids to read, I found some time today to check my email. Actually, checking my email was part of one of a lesson I employ while teaching kids to read, entitled "reading: there is shit to read on the computer" aka lesson number 21. It could be said that I’m burning herb way ahead of the learning curve. Anyway, after reading my email aloud to Johnny and Ali Ali Oner, they raised some interesting questions about email, the job description of a councilman and why sex is constantly confused for love. They are some smart little motherfucks, that Johnny and Ali Ali Oner.

Here is the actual email I received from Eric "E-Guns" Gioia, who is actually my Councilman. I even voted for him after/because he broke campaign law by handing out material directly outside of the polling station and shaking my hand, a fact that I could have used to get him thrown off the ballot. In retrospect, if I had more time it would have been pretty funny to have done that. I digress.

Don’t forget to join us at Latitude, just a block from Times Square, TOMORROW NIGHT at 7PM for the 1^st Annual Halloween Party with Eric Gioia!

You don’t need a costume, but dress as festive as you want!   All the details for the event are below:

To give everyone a real opportunity to get involved, we’re asking people to give whatever they can — even if it’s only $10.  Please spread the word to friends, family, and co-workers, and if you are planning to attend, please click on the invite above to RSVP and buy your tickets online, so you don’t get stuck waiting at the door.  You can also RSVP at http://www.ericgioia.com/, at 718.426.5012, or by emailing us at teamgioia@ericgioia.com.

Thanks again for all your support, and we look forward to seeing you at Latitude (8^th Ave. between 47^th & 48^th St.), TOMORROW NIGHT ^{at 7pm!}

Team Gioia

——————————-

So after reading the email aloud to the aforementioned Johnny and Ali Ali Oner, I asked them to respond and react to the contents of said email. Below is as close to a transcript of our conversation as I could muster. These conversations don’t transcribe themselves, you know.

Johnny: Why is the Halloween party a week before Halloween?

Me: I don’t know.

Johnny: Are you going to dress up?

Me: I’m not going to this wack shit. Besides, I’m a bit old to dress up.

Ali Ali Oner: My brother is your age and he dresses up.

Me: Your brother is probably a fucking herb.

Johnny and Ali Ali Oner: Oooooooooh.

Me: Sorry. Is there anything else you want to ask me about the email?

Johnny: If Eric Gioia is a councilman in Queens, why is he having this party in Manhattan?

Ali Ali Oner: Yeah!

Me: I don’t know. All I know about Eric Gioia is that if he keeps sending me these unsolicited emails I may file a restraining order against him.

Ali Ali Oner: You should be a councilman.

Me: One day, Ali Ali Oner……One day.

At this point me, Johnny and Ali Ali Oner broke into a spontaneous rendition of "Oooh Child" as red, white and blue balloons fell from the ceiling. Off camera, Eric Gioia was regretting the day he got me angry and lamenting his inevitable defeat when I run against him. Because I always said, if you can’t run up on ‘em, you can always run against them.

———————————————————————————————–

Crazy. As reported by espn.com. RIP.

NEW YORK — A small plane piloted by New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle crashed into a 50-story condominium tower Wednesday on Manhattan’s Upper East Side, killing at least four people, authorities said.

Lidle died in the crash.

The twin-engine plane came through a hazy, cloudy sky and hit the 20th floor of The Belaire — a red-brick tower overlooking the East River, about five miles from the World Trade Center — with a loud bang, touching off a raging fire that cast a pillar of black smoke over the city and sent flames shooting from four windows on two adjoining floors.

Large crowds gathered in the street in the largely wealthy New York neighborhood, with many people in tears and some trying to reach loved ones by cell phone.

"I was worried the building would explode, so I got out of there fast," said Lori Claymont, who fled an adjoining building in sweatpants.

Young May Cha, a 23-year-old Cornell University medical student, said she was walking back from the grocery store down 72nd Street when she saw an object out of the corner of her eye.

"I just saw something come across the sky and crash into that building," she said. Cha said there appeared to be smoke coming from behind the aircraft, and "it looked like it was flying erraticaly for the short time that I saw it."

"The explosion was very small. I was not threatened for my life," she added.

Richard Drutman, a professional photographer who lives on the 11th floor, said he was talking on the telephone when he felt the building shake.

"There was a huge explosion. I looked out my window and saw what appeared to be pieces of wings, on fire, falling from the sky," Drutman said. He and his girlfriend quickly evacuated the building.

The plane left New Jersey’s Teterboro Airport, just across the Hudson River from the city, at 2:30 p.m., about 15 minutes before the crash, according to officials at the Port Authority of New York and New Jersey, which operates the airport. But they said they did not where the aircraft was headed.

FAA spokeswoman Diane Spitaliere said the plane was apparently not in contact with air traffic controllers; pilots flying small planes by sight are not required to be in contact.

The National Transportation Safety Board sent a team to investigate.

Former NTSB director Jim Hall said in a telephone interview he doesn’t understand how a plane could get so close to a New York City building after Sept. 11.

"We’re under a high alert and you would assume that if something like this happened, people would have known about it before it occurred, not after," Hall said.

Mystery writer Carol Higgins Clark, daughter of author Mary Higgins Clark, lives on the 38th floor and was coming home in a cab when she saw the smoke.

"Thank goodness I wasn’t at my apartment writing at the time," she said. She described the building’s residents as a mix of actors, doctors, lawyers, writers and people with second homes.

Sgt. Claudette Hutchinson, a spokeswoman for the North American Aerospace Defense Command in Colorado Springs, Colo., said fighter jets "are airborne over numerous U.S. cities and while every indication is that this is an accident, we see this as a prudent measure at this time."

However, all three New York City-area airports continued to operate normally, Federal Aviation Administration spokesman Jim Peters said. In Washington, White House spokesman Tony Fratto said neither President Bush nor Vice President Dick Cheney was moved to secure locations.

"All indications are that is an unfortunate accident," said Yolanda Clark, a spokeswoman for Homeland Security’s Transportation Security Administration. She said there was "no specific or credible intelligence suggesting an imminent threat to the homeland, at this time."

The crash struck fear in a city devastated by the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001. Sirens echoed across the neighborhood as about 170 firefighters rushed in along with emergency workers and ambulances. Broken glass and debris were strewn around the neighborhood.

"There’s a sense of helplessness," said Sandy Teller, watching from his apartment a block away. "Cots and gurneys, waiting. It’s a mess."

The tower was built in the late 1980s and is situated near Sotheby’s auction house. It has 183 apartments, many of which sell for more than $1 million.

Several lower floors are occupied by doctors and administrative offices, as well as guest facilities for family members of patients at the Hospital for Special Surgery, hospital spokeswoman Phyllis Fisher said.

No patients were in the high-rise building and operations at the hospital a block away were not affected, Fisher said.

Seconds earlier, while logging into yahoo! sports to see if the homie Sosa was willing to part with Randy Moss and/or Donovan McNabb I happened to notice that there was an article about the prevalence of confederate flags flying at NASCAR and how they may be having a negative effect on the image of NASCAR.

Not shocking.

The article went on to say how some people in more, how can I put this diplomatically, evolved, literate, cultured, indoor plumbing having,  civilized areas in the country viewed the flag as a symbol of oppression and racism. Whereas to the Southern fans who sit in the infield, the sight of the "Stars and Bars" is as natural as a Klan rally or Dad railing Sis on the living room couch.

I’m not a fan of NASCAR or the Confederate Flag, but I have to wonder why the scope of the argument wasn’t a bit wider. In these trying times facing our country, it has pretty much been proved by men who have more time and money than me that if you own a car and you live in America you are basically a domestic terrorist and you should probably kill yourself before you unwitting funnel anymore of your pathetic wages into the hands of madmen. How can you possibly justify buying oil and or gas from those unstable regimes in the Middle East (or Murray Hill, as I call it) and Venezuela?

You can’t.

I don’t give a fuck if you fill up your Jetta at some spot run by a fancy-ass subsidiary of a shadow corporation with a nice American name (British Petroleum comes to mind): you may as well be writing a check to Al-Qaeda with "fuck America" in the memo, shit for brains.

So I propose we leave this NASCAR argument to Billy Ray and Bobby Ted and focus on the real problem here: people who own cars.

I mean, if you live in a city where having a car is a way of life, maybe it’s time that you ran a bath and took a walk. And by walk I mean "down the wrist" with a razor blade.

And to think some of you granola eating pussies who claim to care about the environment have the nerve to put stickers like "Ooh, I care about the environment" on your fucking cars while supporting terrorist groups who want nothing more than to nuke America. And nuclear weapons don’t care about the environment. Put that in your circle and drum it.

Real Americans like me got kicked out of drivers ed and haven’t even been in a car since, roughly, 1998. So there, you fucking communist, jihadist, fake American, traitors.

ROX, 1 - You and Your Terrorist Friends, 0