So, I figured after I publish a few books of my memoirs, I will probably get around to compiling a bunch of gems from my personal, private correspondence. "I’mma drop the book and then chase it with the documentary" -Jadakiss.
Here is some super-secret email correspondence between me and one of my friends in "the industry" as us hip types call New York City. My friend published a photograph of superhuman Barry Sanders and below it linked to a song from an Australian band called "Faux Pas" (check them out!). I commented on his blog that "Barry Sanders was the best that ever did it. Faux Pas is no Barry Sanders." And then I recieved this email.
My Friend Writes: he’s a reader that sent his stuff in to us. we get a lot of that, but i actually like this guy’s music. i think it’s funny you insulted him
right away.
I Respond:
Would it have been less funny if I waited until, say next week? BTW, I didn’t insult him/her. I said that Barry sanders was "the best that ever did it" and Faux Pas was "no Barry sanders" -I would hardly imply that saying something isn’t "the best ever" is a diss. One might also say that comparing football players to musicians is apples and oranges. Is Barry Sanders in Faux Pas? You know that they play Rugby in footballs stead in Australia, right? Scarlet Johansen isn’t even the sexiest woman in the world. And Italy knocked Australia out of the World Cup. All facts, no conjecture.
Me: I think Nas is the best ever.
You: I think blowjobs are better than Nas.
Nas: (appearing from off-camera) Why the fuck you dissing me, son? (repeated shots fired)
I mean, would you say that Faux Pas is better at music than Barry Sanders was at football? In this hyper-masculine world of the Internet, will these faceless Aussies view everything other than being considered better than an (African-American) football player as an insult? It’s more than a bit racist, if you ask me.
Why are they so sensitive? Who does their makeup? Has Australia even reached modernity yet? I didn’t think so. If I was them, I’d have an industrial revolution, free the slaves, save the world twice (thrice if you count IRAQ) and only THEN start picking fights with the superstars of the worlds only superpower.
If I said Jesus was better at being nailed to a cross than you were at blogging, a man secure in his skin would take that I had a deep reverence for Jesus cross-nailed to skills…Whereas an insecure person would take it as an affront to their writing skills. If you’d like to continue this discussion of dialectic-dualism, I’m more than willing -however I fear my doctoral knowledge of the subject will prevail with ease.
Also. How bullshit is it that I finished 4th and didn’t even get mentioned? Maaaaad bullshit.
I think I just wrote your next post.
Also to consider: Was "The Best of Both Worlds" an ode to transsexuals?
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Look for more in my forthcoming book "The Realest Shit I Ever Wrote."
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