fun facts about the world

….and the unseasonable warmth shall soothe your soul, son.

Hey y’all. Sorry, I was just talking to a patient.

Y’all ever do that shit?

Sometimes when someone is calling me, I’ll deliberately be in the middle of saying some provocative shit like "..and she broke the glass over your head just like that?? On the plane??….Hello, James speaking." It’s pretty funny the depths we (I) will sink to in our (my) never ending quest to amuse ourselves.

Rolling down the river, if I may…

Thanks to all the heads who rolled through on Saturday night to Desmond’s Tavern and packed the place. I really appreciate the support and you guys came out and supported. We are collectively thankful for having good friends and/or fans who appreciate what we do -really, thank you guys. While that was the last show of 2006 (barring unforeseen fame), please stay tuned for more info on us playing bigger and better venues in 2007 (wow that feels scary to write). Like somewhere in between Satelite and MSG.

Also, we are hard at work on our new album (possible titles include "Yeah, Nah", "….And Now This?" and "Number 2.") due out on July 4th. We should have a video for the lead single "Drinking On A Tuesday" at least a couple of months in advance of that though. It should be quite labor-intensive and serious in the Chronikill studio over the next few months. On the other hand, sometimes we just get reeeeeeeeealy high and record ourselves making silly noises.

–

As the holiday season approaches, I’ve been bombarded with a number of commercials for Kay (Kaye?) Jewelers who remind us that "every kiss begins with kay (kaye?)." Nice sentiment.

Don’t mind me for founding Bee Jewelers and using the slogan "every blowjob begins with bee."

–

In the wake of the tragic shooting of a 23-yr old groom to be in Queens, isn’t it refreshing that the Benetton-esque ethnic composition of the offending officers may, for once, allow all citizens who see their rights trampled by our cities killer cops on a daily basis to band together under the same umbrella. Usually the larger issues at hand (the haves vs. the have-nots, the prison industrial complex, mandatory minimums, I could fucking go on and on and on) are lost as the public foolishly falls into the tired white/black argument instead of focusing on trying to make a change. Unified against the police, we have the power to demand a change to the "blue wall of silence" culture that has existed for too long in the NYPD. Divided we have a bunch of confused angry people sharing anecdotal evidence.

–

I’mma be in Philadelphia for at least part of this weekend, attending this boxing match with a couple of the homies. I wrote a scathing expose on Philadelphia roughly 15 months ago and I’m sure (in the tradition of my observations being both absolute and timeless) it is still accurate. My plan is to make a huge drunken fuss of myself with Yard Ale and then eat mad cheese steaks.

–

I recently read "Animal Farm." I don’t know why I hadn’t read it before, but it was real good. Like you would expect a classic to be. How is that for descriptive. I tried to reread 1984, and it annoyed the hell out of me, however I found Animal Farm to be refreshing in it’s simple "quick read" nature. My only complaint is that I find it unrealistic that animals can talk to each other.

I’m almost done with "On The Road" another classic that I never read for reasons unknown. I enjoying that book as well, although I have a couple of issues with the dialog and slang of the day. If I was there, those kids would have stepped up their talking game big time. It was also amusing to read that famous quote about hanging out with mad people and roman candles and whatnot. Half the people that would like to think that quote has some deep relevance to their unique outlook on life are the types who have never even broke night and are probably shook to go out past 8 on a week night. I’m just saying, the term "mad" is mad relative, I suppose.

–

There were a couple of other things I wanted to mention, but my memory fails me. Have an issue you want me to write about, holler at me in the comments. Hope all is well with you kiddies, I’ll catch you in the streets.

I don’t usually even post daily on my blog, so you are lucky today that something else caught my attention after my self-promotional posting earlier.

I’ve been to Amersterdam twice. I enjoyed myself much more the second time, when I stayed in a cleaner area -but Amsterdam is at the forefront of allowing degenerate shit to happen right under its nose. Amsterdam is basically filled with the type of dudes who own porno stores in the city (think perverted looking middle-eastern dudes) who will run up on you, with no regard for your personal space, screaming "cocaine, ecstacy."

It is also very true that for a nominal fee, you can have intercourse with a woman of the night -legally- in the red light distict. While I didn’t engage in either "cocaine, ecstacy" or any postitutes, the line between legal and illict behaviour in Amesterdam is a fairly thin one.

I mention all of this because I recently came across this article on Yahoo! about how the Dutch government is trying to ban burkas -which is kinda like the "wardrobe as a cage/cage as a wardrobe" worn by some Muslim women. While I fell that is such a fairly reasonable idea (I’m no champion of womans rights -although I did once get a blowjob from Susan B. Anthony on the G train) mainly because I’m sick of Muslim dudes preventing me from oggling their women by keepin them wrapped up in (to borrow a term) bee-keeper suits and out of sight. It can also be said that middle-eastern and Indian girls are the new Asian girls. Sorry Asain girls, you had a nice run as "exotic du jour" but it’s over.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20061117/ap_on_re_eu/netherlands_burqa_ban

By the same token, it does seem pretty crazy that the Netherlands is the country at the forefront of this movement. The Netherlands, or at least Amesterdam, is a pretty "free" place -in the sense that you can pretty much do whatever you want and no one will stop you or even gawk at you. For other reasons, there has been some backlash by the Muslim organizations in the area, who cite religious freedom- and they do have a point.

By the same token, I think Muslims have kinda overstayed their welcome in the civilized world. Mind you, "normal" Muslims really haven’t done anything wrong and I’m sure a great deal of them have assimilated into the larer civilized socities that they were allowed to immigrate to. Those are "muslims" in the sense that I am "catholic." By the same token, when the thing most associated with your religion is a cry of "allah" and then a large explosion, perhaps it is time to launch your own publicity campaign citing the positive aspects of said religion. For example, Halal meat. Tasty AND peaceful!!

I dunno. Religion is pretty gay - no disrespect to God or homosexuals.

^ Good writing.

My rap group, Chronikill was recently mentioned in an article about Roosevelt Island printed in "The Wire" -a Roosevelt Island newspaper. It is worth noting that Roosevelt Island arrested me almost 6 months before the article was printed. I suppose this may be their way of making amends.

Here is the link: http://nyc10044.com/wire/2703/Blogosphere.html

Also, we will be playing our last show of 2006 on Saturday November 25th at 10:30PM. Included below is a flier, which can save you $2 if you print it and show it at the door. Soon we will go back to doing free/cheap shows, but just bear with us for a minute. The drugs studio time doesn’t pay for itself. Desmonds Tavern, the venue, is centrally located and features bathrooms and chairs.

If you haven’t been to our real/fake website on myspace, you should check it out. We have a couple of songs as well as live video clips for songs we haven’t recorded yet. It’s like going to one of our shows for free!

Oh, and I lied about the flier. Our real website is down at the moment (thank you to everyone that emailed me, I am aware of the problem and "I" am on it.) so, stay tuned for another post or an email heads up before the show. Should be a great time, mad people in town for the Holiday Weekend. Festive atmosphere and hip-hop. Life in a nutshell. Here are the details though.

I lied again, our website is working and I found the flier:

Thanksgiving Reunion Show

CHRONIKILL and FRIENDS

SATURDAY 11/25 10:30pm

DESMONDS Tavern (park ave. sotuh b/w 29th and 30th Street)

-Plymouth ROX

while sitting at the job spot allowing my talents to erode, it occured to me that i am getting older i’m not as young as i once was. i dont really spend that much time wishing i was on some seize that day shit, but it did occur to me that most of the things i regret in my life were things i didnt do as oppossed to shit i did do. i pretty much feel as though most things are worth doing once (no homo) and i generally think that if (activity) is wack, well so be it. ain’t nobody going to make you do it again. anyway, rather than continue to bore you (in some cases, to death) with the lowercase no apostrophe stylings of a gully muh’fucka (people dont say gully anymore huh? i suppose in some circles they never said it. word to me not being as young as i once was.) on a thirsty tuesday i will hit you with a list of things i’d like to accomplish. some of them are long term. like spanning decades. you have goals?

yeah, i bet you do.

1-learning to drive. it doesnt bother me that i dont know how to drive, it bothers me that if i was to hop in a whip and start driving, i would prolly get popped for not having a license. i cant even really spell license with any confidence. last time i drove a car, i crashed (ever so gently) into my boy AGs crib while he was asleep (full disclosure, it was his car) while at the height of intoxication. i remember whipping it around uptown new orleans with no lights on and no clue how to turn the lights on. ahhh, memories.

2-smoke a blunt while looking at remnants of the roman acqueduct (it is roman, no?) around nice,france. i got love for france, even if its not the popular thing to do these days. i remember vividly this flick in an art book (im assuming this was hs as most of my post-hs memories of education are hazy, at best) of the acqueduct and I guess a forest or some shit (in retrospect, i may have been a bit liberal with my usage of ‘vividly’) and it had a look of being untouched since the acqueduct was built. in a strange way it made me reflect on human advances in the face of nature and how, eventually, empires crumble, their armies disband but nature is unrelenting. it seemed like i could do some real deep thinking there and that i could urinate freely without fear of reprecussion. alas, in my youthful ignorance i neglected to rip the page out of the book so this goal may require some research. thank god for the internet.

3-be buried in a pyramid. ideally of solid gold. a monument to the man. i’d like it to be in NYC, but as long as it is in America, thats cool. i imagine i would need some sort of way of keeping it clean and nice, but i’ll leave that to my (unborn) children. i can imagine it now.

young woman: hey you, what do you do?

my son: i keep my fathers pyramid clean and free of birdshit.

young woman: shall we have casual relations?

my son: (in r.kelly voice) now usually I don’t do this but……(cue "ignition (remix))

4-ive never been iceskating at wolman rink in central park. i havent even ice skated in years, but i always enjoyed it. this is a lot more doable than the first 3, but alas, it would be without the sense of accomplishment if i do check it off the invisible to do list.

5-have kids. that i know about. ha!

6-i really want to pee in the indian ocean. i will than purchase myself a t-shirt that says "i peed in the indian ocean."

7-continue to amuse myself. although my motto is "unamused and unimpressed" (my other motto is "god-like, not god") i tend to amuse, if not ever impress, myself. i’m just the man like that.

AUTHORS NOTE: the title of this post is an allusion to the Beanie Siegel song of the same name. in it he says "y’all don’t do much. sit on the block and look dumb." or something to that effect. just keep that in mind next time ya sitting on the block looking dumb.

Are you a tease or a tramp? Nothing says mindless fun like the 9/11 quiz! http://nomoregames.net/911_quiz/911_quiz.htm

Jay-Z and Russel Simmons team up to combat anti-semitism. Really! http://www.allhiphop.com/hiphopnews/?ID=6387

South Ossetia votes to become independent from Georgia. Which Georgia? Click to find out! http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20061113/ts_afp/georgiaossetiarussiavote_061113163056

If you hate the taste of water, you may have mental problems. Then again…. http://www.nypost.com/seven/11132006/gossip/pagesix/hunger_pangs_pagesix_.htm

…..And you wonder why I’m not married yet?? (from overheardinnewyork)

The First Arm’s Easy, the Second One’s a Real Problem

Long Island JAP #1: Are all New York City girls drug-addict whores?
Long Island JAP #2: Yeah, but so are girls from Long Island. There’s really no difference.
Random Upper East Side JAP: Oh my god, can I just interject for a second here? Long Island girls and New York City girls are not the same thing. It is not okay to wear Tommy Hilfiger sweatshirts, and we’re all addicted to drugs because we don’t have gross Long Island weed and coke that is ninety-nine percent baking soda. And we’re whores because we’re like a thousand times hotter than you’ll ever be, even when we’re not wearing makeup. Plus, I don’t tawk like this.
Long Island JAP #1: Wow, that was, like, seriously uncalled for.
Upper East Side JAP: Yeah well, I’d rather cut off my own arms than live in Long Island. Also, I’m just high, so don’t really pay attention to me.

–Serafina, Upper East Side

Well, that’s me, amusing you for 10 minutes. Which is substantially more than YOU have ever done for me. A little gratitude would be nice every once and again. Now I’m going to use the bathroom and smoke a cigarette, as my work doesn’t do itself. So there.

So, I figured after I publish a few books of my memoirs, I will probably get around to compiling a bunch of gems from my personal, private correspondence. "I’mma drop the book and then chase it with the documentary" -Jadakiss.

Here is some super-secret email correspondence between me and one of my friends in "the industry" as us hip types call New York City. My friend published a photograph of superhuman Barry Sanders and below it linked to a song from an Australian band called "Faux Pas" (check them out!). I commented on his blog that "Barry Sanders was the best that ever did it. Faux Pas is no Barry Sanders." And then I recieved this email.

My Friend Writes: he’s a reader that sent his stuff in to us. we get a lot of that, but i actually like this guy’s music. i think it’s funny you insulted him
right away.

I Respond: