Wave At This, Bitch
Last night while in attendance at the Yankees game I had a few realizations. The first one was that I no longer really liked going to Yankees games, because it’s just a bunch of OT motherfuckers with their children playing "lets hold hands and act real polite," shit costs mad money and I can’t even smoke cigarettes. That said, this was my 9Th Yankees game of the season (they were 8-1 while I was there) and the most disturbing trend I noticed this year was that people in Yankee stadium have started to do the wave. Like it’s their fucking job.
Once upon a time when men were men and if the wave would get started up at Yankee stadium it would be greeted with jeers and a bunch of drunken lunatics screaming to "take that shit back to Shea." Last night this white trash looking slut in a Florida sweatshirt and her horse-faced friend (who could stand to lose a score or two, weight-wise) were able to start a wave so successful that it went around the stadium more than once. I’m not trying to get placed on a terrorist watch-list here, but a casual observer of the situation at the stadium couldn’t help but conclude that the people there all deserved to die.
Briefly I thought that things were returning to normal when a loud ruckus started in the bleachers - once a rite of passage for boys on the road to manhood, now the equivalent of a highway rest stop near Frisco - but I was horrified when I noticed that they were cheering for the wave. I wanted to scream "are you all out of your fucking minds" but there were little kids sitting in front of me and I was raised better than that.
Have we sunk so low that we have to adopt a tradition from the Mets, our fairer-sexed crosstown rivals?
Also, have you ever noticed how all Mets fans have Herpes? In case you didn’t know they got it from doing the wave. The wave spreads Herpes. If you are a Mets fan and you have Herpes, you got it from doing the wave.
If you’ll excuse my poor, rushed writing I’ll forgive you your trespasses. Deal?
September 14th, 2006 at 11:21 am
the no smoking shit is bullshit. i mean at least we used to be able to stand in a little cage and feed the monkey.
now, i HATE stadiums with corporate names, but i will say this for detroit’s comerica park: you can smoke damn near anywhere and the beer is pretty freakin cheap. at ‘the big house’ on the other hand (U of M football stadium, NOT jail) you can’t even get or bring a beer inside the damn place. what this means is that lots of people get wasted and then drive to the game. fucking brilliant.
September 15th, 2006 at 9:56 am
Yeah, at the prestigious (SP?) university where I matriculated they would make sure to sell alcohol at all the sporting venues.
Once before a tennis match (no homo) there was free wine and beer and cheese but you had to pay for soda. Then they told me if I kept screaming we were going to forfeit the match -and I wasn’t even inside the stadium.
At least Yankee stadium is called Yankee stadium, although we’ll see when we build the new stadium if they sell the naming rights or not.