Catching Up.
Hey yo!
So firstoff thanks to all y’all everyones who came out to the show on Friday.. despite the extended waiting and whatnot, I think it came off pretty well. The new album is shaping up nicely, although we haven’t really started recording or anything serious like that per se, all the songs we’ve been doing live have been getting a nice response from the audience. So again, if you came through -thanks. If you didn’t, well we’ll (wordplay, son) be playing our Halloween Holocaust show on October 28th in the times square area. So, I’ll be yelling about that as the date approaches.
Ahhh, now I remember what I wanted to write about… Did y’all happen to catch the tragic story of how a this drunken NYPD officer was driving with one of her (not a typo, she was all vaginaed out and shit) fellow female rookie officer, when girl A drove into a light-post (or something equally hard) and killed girl B.
While I generally feel nothing when a pig dies, I was conflicted as to how to react to this story. I mean, I like women and I don’t really associate them with police officers. Generally when someone says "police" it conjures up the image of some overweight alcoholic Michelob wearing a Jets jersey and sweating profusely -hence the hatred on my part. However the young ladies involved in the tragic accident were both in their early 20’s and didn’t seem to have any love for the Jets. And while the NYPD has proved that they allow and possibly encourage their officers to drive drunk, (to hilarious results) this story just feels different because those involved are female.
And if you didn’t know where I’m going with this, what I mean to say is should females really be allowed to be police officers? I know we have a canine unit that allows female dogs and all, but I think it’s a little silly to extend gender equality to police officers of all species.
I’ll now offer some anecdotal evidence under the guise of concrete statistical proof.
The only time I ever had any dealings with a female officer was in Jefferson Parish, Louisiana. One of my homies and I had been walking towards the off-street parking of a long-abandoned warehouse to, uh, donate to charity. As we approached, a police car with a one male officer and one female officer was driving out of the area. I’ll give the woman some credit and say that it appeared obvious that they were in such a secluded area because they were having sex (although I’m sure she was blowing him) and understandably, were startled to see us.
After immediately stopping us, the female lady officers line of questioning was laughable -and after I repeatedly outsmarted her, she needed the male cop to take over. To his credit, he immediately handcuffed me, made me kneel in gravel with my face pressed against the hood of the cop car and made numerous threats against my physical well being while emptying the contents of my pockets onto the ground. After I was eventually released and subsequently banned from Jefferson Parish I reflected on how if there were just two male police officers on the scene, the overwhelming threat of physical violence against my person would have likely compelled me to into admitting that I had, indeed entered the parking area with the intention of donating to charity. However, since the female officer was clearly more proficient in administering sucky-sucky than policework, I wasn’t even arrested.
As an aside, it could be said that most of the damage sustained by Jefferson Parish during Hurricane Katrina was a direct result of God’s anger at my being mistreated at the hands of their police. The lesson is two-fold: Female cops are shitty and more likely to perform fellatio than make an arrest and if you fuck with me, God will getcha.
In another blog, perhaps authored at my leisure, I’ll attempt to prove that there is a direct correlation between women becoming career-oriented and the decline of American society. Shit, I may even make up some statistics. And I know correlation equals not causation, so don’t try and be a smartass and point it out. I got a muh’fucking B- in Statistical Analysis.
Also to consider: With the Saints returning to the Superdome this evening in what will be an emotional moment for those in New Orleans and around the United States, do we really need U2 and Green Day to perform?
With all the great jazz musicians in New Orleans, did (whoever the fuck) really need to reach out to U2?
