I Fell Off Hard
I’m sorry.. I really am.. Once again, I’ve been reduced to "disappointment to myself and others" status..
But as a wise man once said "when y’all fall off, you don’t fall far."
I don’t know what you people have been doing with your lives, other than not much to impress me; but I haven’t been up to shit. Truth told, in my 6 week (or thereabouts) absence of posting on this biatch, I’ve forgotten how to use a semi-colon. What would Dale Davis from Expository Writing say if he could see me now? Prolly something like "lets have class outside" or "I thought my cat was on acid." But then again, I have a sinking suspicion that it wasn’t the grammar and spelling that kept "the readers" "coming back," it was my edgy pseudo-informed commentary on the issues (and soup) du jour.
And as a tangential aside, just in case you had any delusions of me being less of a fuckwit or somehow in a position where I no longer have time to post on my blog, when I woke up this "morning" (that’s what the cool kids call the afternoon) with my stomach all destroyed by alcohol, salami and Indian food I decided that the smartest thing to do would be to go get a cup of chili (which Quiznos considers a soup, hence my Joyce-esque transition). Chili in the summertime = not the move. At the risk of turning off my female "readers" (who, no doubt, have bought into my mystique now that I’m no longer readily available on the Internets every morning) I won’t go into the gastronomical horrors said chili caused, but suffice to say it wasn’t pretty.
Speaking of not being pretty, did anyone see that interview with Britney Spears the other day on (insert news program)? I heard she looked awful, ha! Does everyone remember when she married that assclown in Vegas a while ago and her handlers (when I blow up I’m going to come up with a name for handlers, one which doesn’t reduce the talent to basically being a dog, although in the case of B. Spears, well how appropriate can you get) thought that shit was going to ruin her life.. Hindsight and Mad Dog, they’re both 20/20, I tell ya.
Another quick point.. So I’m checking up on my fantasy baseball team (WHY? WHY? WHY? formerly The Sex Crimes Unit (special victims MEANS special victims) and I can’t help but notice the hyperlink in Micheal Young’s name. So, wondering if he won some sort of accolade (player of the week perhaps?), I click on it and Yahoo! sends me off to a search engine that has automatically entered in the terms "teen porn." I can only hope that Friendster has also sold their (ha) respectability (ha) to the highest bidder as well and you can see what I’m talking about.
Baby, You’re Gonna Be The One That Saves Me,
J. ROX ONE
