Tom Cruise Is A Ho (Thugs With Ice Cream Cones)
Tom Cruise is a ho.
Behold.
"I had no really close friend," Tom "the ho" Cruise cries in the April 9th edition of Parade magazine. "I was always the new kid with the wrong shoes, the wrong accent. I didn’t have the friend to share things with and confide in."
Cry me a river, Britney.
Tom reveals that his father was also someone he was unable to turn to. "He was a bully and a coward," he says frankly. "He was the person where, if something goes wrong, they kick you."
First of all that’s a hell of a problem solving technique. The kick is hardly ever employed when something goes wrong. Next time I have a problem, I’m going to go kick Tom Cruise. And then go get an ice cream cone. Unrelated, I want to do a coffee-table book of photographs called "Thugs With Ice Cream Cones." Life would be a lot less less harsh if we were all holding ice cream cones. Utopia isn’t just a Parkway in Queens.
Anyway, The Ho continues, in typical theatrical fashion with his arms a-flailing. "The school took me to a psychiatrist to get tested," he says. "They said, ‘Oh, he’s dyslexic.’ I’m labeled. It instantly put me into confusion. It was an absolute affront to my dignity."
Well, Tom, dyslexia is a disease (condition?) and you were diagnosed. I mean, its not my fault that to you this sentence looks like this: this like looks sentence this you to that fault my not its, mean I.
"I remember thinking, ‘I’ve got to figure this out. What’s normal? Am I normal? Who’s to say what’s normal?’ I didn’t understand what ‘normal’ is. It still doesn’t make sense." -That’s about as deep as a mass grave in Iraq.
Here is a picture of Tom Cruise I drew on. Me > Rembrandt.
http://et.tv.yahoo.com/celebrities/14353/index.html -I really summed it up, but I’ll cite my source. Journalism, son.. Journalism.
