Keith Hernandez: Champion Of Womens Rights
Not to get all "writing about baseball" on you again, but this hasn’t received nearly enough press to satisfy me.
On Saturday night while I was wallowing in self-pity partying with hot chicks, Keith Hernandez was taking a firm stance against equal rights. Keith "I once banged Elaine Benes" Hernandez doesn’t think a woman has any place in the dugout, but then again Mr. Hernandez was also once spotted smoking a cigarette in the dugout during a game. So it could be stated that his dugout decorum has also been sub-par. However, in his defense he was doing a shitload of cocaine when this happened. Isn’t it odd how everything can be traced back to cocaine? Fuck Kevin Bacon, it’s all about 6-degrees of cocaine (c).
Anyway, here is what Keith "Bloody Boogers" Hernandez had to say during the Mets broadcast against the Padres on Saturday night after Mike "Ms. Sam Champion" Piazza was congratulated by Kelly "The Woman" Calabrese, the Padres massage therapist: "Who is that chick with those hooters in the dugout? You have gotta be kidding me. Are those things real? I’d let her put pine-tar on my bat anytime!"
While that’s not "really" what he said, Keith "Got any blow?" Hernandez certainly caused an uproar from the fairer sex (is that an appropriate term for "a bunch of feminazi chicks" these days?) with his antiquated notions of gender inequality, possibly caused by his "cocaine for everyone all the time" outlook on life. This was the very same outlook that caused Elaine to dump him, if memory serves me correctly.
Keith "Deviated Septum" Hernandez made an attempt to backtrack, but like most drug addicts he seemed to misunderstand pretty much everything.
From The Wall St. Journal (just kidding)
Hernandez found out later in the broadcast that Calabrese was with the Padres training staff.
"I won’t say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don’t belong in the dugout," Hernandez said.
No matter what you say about Keith "Uncut" Hernandez, it is clear beyond a reasonable doubt that he does NOT think women belong in the kitchen or the dugout -but rather some gray area that exists between them.
http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ap-hernandez-femaletrainer&prov=ap&type=lgns
