Archive for April, 2006

Marc Ecko: Ho With Cause

Tuesday, April 25th, 2006

311005Back when I was a juvenile delinquent (although I am still looked upon by many as such although my juvenile status expired about nine years ago) I used to care a lot about graffiti. To tell the truth, I still care a whole lot about graffiti -although my inability to catch more than a couple of tags without being arrested caused me to stop writing years ago. As it is though, I still pay close attention to who is doing what and I try to take flicks when I can. I’m not going to claim I have any sort of unique or in-depth knowledge on the subject, but I sure know a fraud when I see one.

Beat Enter Marc Ecko. Some people may know Marc Ecko from his clothing line Ecko -in fact I am wearing an Ecko shirt right now (laundry day). By using hip-hop artists like The Beatnuts and (I think) Method Man in their ad campaigns Ecko was able to break into that cash-cow demographic known in the industry as "suburban white kids." During the years I was at college I noticed that lots of white kids who listened to Ja Rule and thought splitting an O with their roommate counting as slanging started wearing Ecko - at that point it was safe to say the line had a noticeable presence in the market.

Ket Hardly content making millions of dollars selling white kids t-shirts with rhinos on them and playing up his faux urban roots - Marc Ecko decided it was time to branch out into the world of video games. With the release of "Getting Up" a video game about graffiti  (I dunno, I stopped playing video games a while ago, albeit when my X-Box got jacked from the crib) featuring actual graffiti writers, Ecko started making noise outside of the fashion world. The trouble began when Marc "Marcy Marc" Ecko decided he wanted to hold a block party in Manhattan which featured graffiti writers bombing canvases designed to look like subway cars. New York City and Mayor Bloomberg tried to stop the block party from happening on the grounds that it was encouraging graffiti. When Ecko sued and won the right to hold the block party -you could tell the city was not thrilled.

Ecko, not content making millions selling kids video games and t-shirts has announced plans to lobby against the proposed anti-immigration bill.

I joke, he is actually suing the city over a controversial new law that bans people under 21 (who are old enough go to war and die) from possessing spray paint and broad tipped markers for any reason. I don’t really understand what sort of right the city has to raise the age from 18 to 21, but it should be noted that most graffiti writers are actually over 21. Either way, when I was a kid we had these things called fake Id’s which we would use to get around the fact that you needed to be 18 to buy paint.

Anyway, while I applaud Marc Ecko for pointing out how ridiculous this law is -I find it funny that he thinks this will somehow enhance his street cred -dude, your name is Marc with a C.

As allhiphop.com put it:

Fashion designer and entrepreneur Marc Ecko announced the filing of a First Amendment lawsuit yesterday against the Mayor Michael Bloomberg, Councilman Peter Vallone and the City of New York.

Filed on behalf of seven artists under the age of 21, Ecko’s lawsuit challenges anti-graffiti legislation that directly impacts the First Amendment rights of young citizens and aspiring artists in New York.

The amendments, which went into effect on January 1, 2006, make it a criminal offense for simple possession of spray paint and broad tipped markers for all persons under the age of 21- regardless of whether they are possessing those materials in connection with a college art class, a high school project, or are on the job as a union painter’s apprentice.

The laws also establish a blanket prohibition to purchasing spray paint for people under 21.

"I have learned of these and other aspiring artists whose rights to pursue legal graffiti-inspired art were being suppressed due to overly broad legislation here and in numerous cities across this country," Ecko said. "That is why I have chosen to dedicated my time and resources to calling attention to the absurdity of laws and ensuring the rights of these individuals aren’t being preemptively censored."

The artists will ask a federal judge for an order preventing the City of New York and the New York Police Department from enforcing recent amendments to New York City’s anti-graffiti laws.

The plaintiffs have filed affidavits in the case alleging that they are unable to express their artistic freedoms under the existing legislation.

In August 2005, Ecko waged a successful federal lawsuit against censorship when Mayor Bloomberg and Councilman Vallone tried to stop his graffiti block party by revoking a street permit for the event.

Ecko proceeded to file suit against Mayor Bloomberg and the City of New York and won, clearing the way for the permit to be immediately reinstated and the graffiti block party to take place successfully as planned.

Keith Hernandez: Champion Of Womens Rights

Monday, April 24th, 2006

Not to get all "writing about baseball" on you again, but this hasn’t received nearly enough press to satisfy me.

Kevinbacon On Saturday night while I was wallowing in self-pity partying with hot chicks, Keith Hernandez was taking a firm stance against equal rights. Keith "I once banged Elaine Benes" Hernandez doesn’t think a woman has any place in the dugout, but then again Mr. Hernandez was also once spotted smoking a cigarette in the dugout during a game. So it could be stated that his dugout decorum has also been sub-par. However, in his defense he was doing a shitload of cocaine when this happened. Isn’t it odd how everything can be traced back to cocaine? Fuck Kevin Bacon, it’s all about 6-degrees of cocaine (c).

Mike Anyway, here is what Keith "Bloody Boogers" Hernandez had to say during the Mets broadcast against the Padres on Saturday night after Mike "Ms. Sam Champion" Piazza was congratulated by Kelly "The Woman" Calabrese, the Padres massage therapist: "Who is that chick with those hooters in the dugout? You have gotta be kidding me. Are those things real? I’d let her put pine-tar on my bat anytime!"

While that’s not "really" what he said, Keith "Got any blow?" Hernandez  certainly caused an uproar from the fairer sex (is that an appropriate term for "a bunch of feminazi chicks" these days?) with his antiquated notions of gender inequality, possibly caused by his "cocaine for everyone all the time" outlook on life. This was the very same outlook that caused Elaine to dump him, if memory serves me correctly.

Keith "Deviated Septum" Hernandez made an attempt to backtrack, but like most drug addicts he seemed to misunderstand pretty much everything.

From The Wall St. Journal (just kidding)

Hernandez found out later in the broadcast that Calabrese was with the Padres training staff.

"I won’t say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don’t belong in the dugout," Hernandez said.

No matter what you say about Keith "Uncut" Hernandez, it is clear beyond a reasonable doubt that he does NOT think women belong in the kitchen or the dugout -but rather some gray area that exists between them.

http://sports.yahoo.com/mlb/news?slug=ap-hernandez-femaletrainer&prov=ap&type=lgns

Julio Franco’s Age-Defying Cream

Friday, April 21st, 2006

JuliofrancodonLast night Julio Franco (47) became the oldest player in Major League history to hit a home run.

Congratulations Julio!

You and I = US

Thursday, April 20th, 2006

After all of that joy I caused earlier in the week with my incredible word games, I figured we could play "which one of these doesn’t belong here".

Example: Cat, dog, horse, blue.

The answer would be (implied) D, "blue". Because cats, dogs (back when I was a serious alcoholic and I used to speak with a Scottish accent, I would walk around all sauced up muttering "I dunna like dugs") and horses are all animals whereas blue is a color and occasionally a feeling. You see?

OK, here we go.

United States, China, Iran, Saudi Arabia.

If you said "United States" -you won!

Joy_joy_joy It seems as though the tree-hugging, organic granola eating, Birkenstock wearing, Gregorian Chant listening-to pussies over at Amnesty International (they make the BEST pancakes) have stood up from their drum circle long enough to release a report condemning the aforementioned countries for executing the most people in the fiscal year of 2005. China, it should be noted, took home the Gold, whereas the United States finished just out of medal contention.

From Yahoo!

"In its annual report on executions, the rights group said about 1,770 executions were reported to have been carried out in China in 2005…at least 94 people were executed in Iran, 86 in Saudi Arabia and 60 in the United States."

World_baseball_classic Some people may "accentuate the positive" and say, after the debacle in the World Baseball Classic, it’s nice to be among the international leaders in any sport, however others would insist that by the time the tie-dyed vegans over at Amnesty International put down their knitting long enough to release the Humans Rights Report for next year we should be waaaaaay ahead of China in total people executed.

Others would claim that, by relating to the enemy on such a hot-button issue we are actually moving closer to peace. I don’t have any personal problems with people in China, Iran or Saudi Arabia -therefore I don’t see any reason why they should be executed. Shit, in Iran they killed this kid a few years back for possession of alcohol. Not underage possession either, mind you. Shit is bugged!

I was wondering, what with our holier than thou stance on human rights issues in lesser countries whose names I won’t bother speaking (I don’t want Afghanistan’s Ambassador to send me another "keep our name out ya mouth" emails) how we can justify executing anyone. Does the United States really want to be mentioned in the same breath as Iran when it comes to human rights?

I’m aware of the whole "prison industrial complex" and how sending people to jail helps the economy, in the sense that tax breaks for the rich help the economy -but isn’t killing a man by giving him a lethal injection depriving him of his civil rights? Speaking strictly in terms of cost-effectiveness, executions make more sense than keeping someone in a jail (which is basically an expensive summer camp paid for by the taxpayers) until they die of natural causes. Personally, I think we should restructure the whole system. I mean, do you really want a state-sponsored "hot dose" pumped into your veins after being found guilty by 12 retards who would rather be home watching "Supermarket Sweep" (which is an amazing show)?

Unfortunately, at press time I don’t have a solution for this problem.

On one hand, I see people everyday that I think should be executed. You may recall a few years back I proposed that the influx of transplants in NYC could be slowed seriously if 1 in every 5 people seeking to relocate here was shot in the head and killed. We could probably even turn a profit harvesting their organs (which some people claim is China’s motivation for all these executions) and selling them to hospitals. Take that Connecticut!

On the other hand, since Church and State have basically been Siamese Twins these past 5 1/2 years, shouldn’t the phrase "turn the other cheek" actually mean something?

It’s very confusing.

Me, I still dunna like dugs.

Long Island: A Scathing Expose

Wednesday, April 19th, 2006

Nydd20104190359smallIn response to recent events, I figured I would take some time out of my otherwise busy day (ha!) to address a growing concern of mine: people from Long Island reproducing.

If you are like me, you realize that throughout history, without fail, every single villainous character has been from Long Island. I mean, while it is common knowledge that Hitler means "from Sag Harbor" in German, how many of you knew that bin Laden was actually born on Fire Island? Not to mention Amy Fisher, the poster-child for trashy girls in the suburbs everywhere. They didn’t nickname her the "Long Island Lolita" because she was raised in The Bronx. And those fucking embarrassment "Gotti" kids are just the latest example of what will happen if we don’t start the mass sterilization of Long Island residents. Neuter these dogs I say!

Rapist I bring all of this up because Colin Finnerty, one of the Duke Lacrosse rapists, has recently returned home to (you guessed it) Long Island to hide from the media. While I’m pretty sure that young Colin didn’t play any role whatsoever in the rape, I think he should still go to jail. I mean, isn’t being from Long Island and playing Lacrosse at least a misdemeanor?

Personally, I never even saw a Lacrosse stick anywhere except a sporting goods store until I got to college, which is why I have the moral fortitude of a young JC- however, despite my lack of lacrosse I had already had my fill of Long Island. While some children were sent off to camp to learn about, I don’t know, circle jerks and panty raids, I would "summer" in Long Island.  Although I’m sure my summer home paled in comparison to the "multi-million dollar home sitting on a manicured cul-de-sac(k)" where Colin "busy hands" Finnerty resides, spending time there taught me a lot about Long Island and, by extension, how isolation combined with privilege produces a sense of sickening entitlement coupled with ignorance (and an accent like nails across a fucking chalkboard).

And I’m not targeting everyone from Long Island. My rule, when I make sweeping generalizations and stereotype millions (thousands?) of people, is that if you are reading it; I’m not talking about you.

So where was I?

Pg6 Ah yes, calling for the sterilization of all Long Islanders.

I’m sure if you consider the pro’s and con’s of this issue, you will see that (as always) I’m correct.

In Other News: You had to know the Tram was gonna get stuck eventually.

More Word Games

Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

I enjoyed myself so much writing yesterdays post that I’m going to do another "words: before and after" post. Hopefully it won’t get deleted.

Did anyone actually solve any of the ones yesterday? Who knows?

As always, the contents on this blog are skewed to reflect the views and interests of the author. So if you can’t figure any of these out, it means we probably watch different TV shows and listen to different music. But that’s okay, no one is mad at you and you are not in trouble (c).

So, in case you forgot or didn’t read my post yesterday, here is the example.

Walken Film + Page Six Daily = King Of New York Post.

See, Christopher Walker was in the movie "King of New York" (which is very overrated) and Page Six is published in The New York Post (which is very underrated), giving us an answer of King Of New York Post. Personally, I think I could have picked a better example because you have to drop "the" to make it work. But hey, like I tell people "God-like, not God."

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1: Female Poker Player + Worst Behaved Team In ACC =

2: Famous Civil Rights Leader + Mardi Gras Delicacy =

3: Deviant Crooner + Bayside High Cutie =

4: Newest Yankee + Pro Keds Owner =

5: Florida’s State Beverage + "The Symphony" Collective =

6: Laid Lack Lionel + Sign Of Pregnancy =

7: Watery Grave + Viper Room Casualty =

8: 3rd Coast + Pro-Life Bill Home =

9: Grill Maker + 106th and Park =

10: Death Certificate + Fugazi =

*** BONUS ***

11: Moses Homie + Bane Of Our Existence =

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1: Annie Duke Lacrosse

2: Martin Luther King Cake

3: R. Kelly Kapouski (sp?!)

4: Johnny Damon Dash

5: Orange Juice Crew

6: Easy Like Sunday Morning Sickness

7: East River Phoenix

8: Dirty South Dakota

9: Paul Wall Of Fame

10: Ice Cubic Zirconia

11: Burning Bush Administration

Fun Word Games

Monday, April 17th, 2006

You know Jeopardy? They have a category, Before and After, maybe you are familiar with it? I’m going to give y’all some before and after, and you’ll try and solve them. The answers are at the bottom, so don’t peak!

I had a whole post, but clicking on another link caused me to lose everything I wrote.. I swear I’m not just shitty at introducing topics..

Also, as always -if you ask my to update my blog, I will as soon as is humanely possible.

(example)

Christopher Walken Film + Page 6 Daily = King Of New York Post

—————————————

1: Pleasant Trees + Head Of Hardball = (answers below)

2: Controversial 40 oz. + Cam’ron’s First Single =

3: Tear Da Club Up Group + Lou Eppolito =

4: Puerto Rican Pugilist + Caribbean Islands =

5: Ten Spaces From Jail + Displayed On the Dash =

6: Nas Stomach Tattoo + A Spike Lee Joint =

7: Ghostface Debut + Legendary Thoroughbred =

8: One Every Corner + E.T. Goal =

9: Uptown Nickname + Pride Of FIFA =

10: Bachelor Party Site + Stain Remover =

11: Disney Flick + 17 In Louisiana =

12: Old School W.C. + Irish MC’s =

13: Old Adage + Feline Mortality =

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Keep Scrolling!!

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1: Kind Bud Selig, 2: Crazy Horse and Carriage, 3: Three 6 Mafia Cop, 4: Felix Trinidad And Tobago, 5: Free Parking Permit, 6: God’s Son Of Sam, 7: Iron Man O’War, 8: Pay Phone Home, 9: Harlem World Cup, 10: Strip Club Soda, 11: Ice Age of Consent, 12: Outhouse of Pain, 13: A Stitch In Time Saves Nine Lives.

The Agony Of Life (I hate superman)

Thursday, April 13th, 2006

I20hate20superman You have your good weeks and you have your bad weeks.. Some people like to say "it’s been a long day" -personally I’m partial to saying "it’s been a long life." My man Ignacius was prone to talking about the Wheel of Fortuna (i see you Vanna!) spinning downward. Have y’all read that book? It’s worth reading. Note I’m not using the books name. Whats in a name anyway? Vowels and shit, that’s what. Mad vowels, son. I have no point like blunt objects. Blunts, such a mainstay throughout the 90’s. Ahhhh the 90’s.. Idealism, youth, other things. What about the past makes it so easy to romanticize? It’s not even cute, but the passage of time serves as the proverbial bag over it’s head. And the past always did have a banging body. I’m tying up my loose ends with double knots…. I’ll see y’all when the bubble pops.

Also to consider: Complex world issues.

Tom Cruise Is A Ho (Thugs With Ice Cream Cones)

Tuesday, April 4th, 2006

Tom Cruise is a ho.

Behold.

"I had no really close friend," Tom "the ho" Cruise cries in the April 9th edition of Parade magazine. "I was always the new kid with the wrong shoes, the wrong accent. I didn’t have the friend to share things with and confide in."

Cry me a river, Britney.

Tom reveals that his father was also someone he was unable to turn to. "He was a bully and a coward," he says frankly. "He was the person where, if something goes wrong, they kick you."

First of all that’s a hell of a problem solving technique. The kick is hardly ever employed when something goes wrong. Next time I have a problem, I’m going to go kick Tom Cruise. And then go get an ice cream cone. Unrelated, I want to do a coffee-table book of photographs called "Thugs With Ice Cream Cones." Life would be a lot less less harsh if we were all holding ice cream cones. Utopia isn’t just a Parkway in Queens.

Anyway, The Ho continues, in typical theatrical fashion with his arms a-flailing. "The school took me to a psychiatrist to get tested," he says. "They said, ‘Oh, he’s dyslexic.’ I’m labeled. It instantly put me into confusion. It was an absolute affront to my dignity."

Well, Tom, dyslexia is a disease (condition?) and you were diagnosed. I mean, its not my fault that to you this sentence looks like this: this like looks sentence this you to that fault my not its, mean I.

"I remember thinking, ‘I’ve got to figure this out. What’s normal? Am I normal? Who’s to say what’s normal?’ I didn’t understand what ‘normal’ is. It still doesn’t make sense." -That’s about as deep as a mass grave in Iraq.

Here is a picture of Tom Cruise I drew on. Me > Rembrandt.

The_ho http://et.tv.yahoo.com/celebrities/14353/index.html -I really summed it up, but I’ll cite my source. Journalism, son.. Journalism.