The Scarlet Letter
Hey everyone! Isn’t it a beautiful day outside? Yup, it sure is. Isn’t that awesome? Yup, it sure is.
On the other hand, what is not awesome is the direction America is heading, at least according to lots of people who answered surveys on this very matter. I can only assume that these surveys were conducted in accordance with the prevailing ethical standards of the day, however I know if it was my job to compile these results, I would bounce for a few hours, drink a 40 and make some shit up. Either way, whether it be Iraq, Katrina, Cheney, the economy, homeland security, the ports deal, ethics scandals or just his inability to speak English, Americans as a whole do not approve of President Bush or the job he is doing.
You may remember some of us (ahem!) sounding the alarm in 2000 about how Bush was basically the worst and that nothing good would come of him being President. But some of you (apparently) voted for him anyway. Then 9/11 happened and America changed for the worse etc. etc. Yet some of you insisted upon voting for Bush again in the big one of 2004. I’m not saying that John Kerry would have been a good President, in fact I’m almost positive he wouldn’t have been, but at least he hadn’t already proved to be a bad president, like your boy Bush did during his first term. I mean, if the choices are shit and mud, you choose mud.
As the situation deteriorates in Iraq and the current administration continues to fuck up everything they gets their hand on, I can’t say that it makes me happy our country has fallen from glory so quickly, but I can’t help feeling a bit smug: I certainly did tell you so. But since these freaks in "middle America" were more worried about a bunch of gay men getting married than you were about the practical issues facing our country, this is the situation we have found ourselves in. And, since my proposal that only those people pay federal taxes was shot down by my congressman (I see you Eric Giola!), I wish there was some way I could weed out the snakes among us who voted for Bush so I could give them a piece of my mind. By which I mean harass them when I’m drunk.
Hence my "scarlet letter initiative."
Under my proposal, the man on the left (searching white man on Google images: priceless) could clearly be identified as having voted for Bush by the "scarlet" B on his chest and therefore I could run up on him with a litany of complaints, hit him with water balloons and generally make him feel insecure and uncomfortable. Because these are the same people (to borrow a phrase from the Republicans) who have "flip-flopped" on the issue of President Bush.
Wait, first you approved of him and now you disapprove of him? How very John Kerry of you.
Y’all sure "flip-flopped" on that issue, huh? It’s like you people finally looked at the "facts" (I can imagine "I Can See Clearly" playing in Arkansas) and got your heads out of your asses. How can I trust middle-Americans to do anything if they can’t even keep their own opinions straight?
I can’t.
So listen, if you voted for Bush, kindly draw a big red "B" on the front of every shirt, jacket, poncho and blazer you own.
If you need me, I’ll be in the corner with a 40, feeling maaaaaaad secure in my homeland.
