Wedding Bells (and whistles)
Another day, another personal from Yahoo! that I just had to respond to (by which I mean tear apart here).
Her headline, which is always one of the most important factors in the quest to stand out from the rest of the scenery out in Internet personal land, is "Always 
(guess why?)"
I guess you are always smiling, because you are mildly retarded or always high. Judging by the picture either one is distinctly possible and the two aren’t mutually exclusive.
She goes on to say she is a Christian who attends services weekly. I recently spent some time in a church and let me tell you, mass is a lot more whacked-out than I remember it being from my childhood. This raises some questions about her general sanity, but I can move on (dot org). Sorry about that, sometimes my comedic genius is overcome by my childish nature. On the other hand, some people like dumb jokes.
Her interests (which I’m slowly realizing are picked from a list I guess) include community service and spirituality. I’ve done some community service in the past, but only when it was court ordered. I’m not opposed helping the community, but until I’m living in a solid gold pyramid and smoking weed out of hard-carved pipes made from the bones of extinct animals, I’m more into community sympathy. It’s like community service, but from your bed.
As far as spirituality is concerned, I’ll have a Crown and Coke every now and then, but generally I stick to beers. It’s just safer than way. What are you into ghosts and shit?
Homegirl goes on to say:
About Me: upbeat…good hearted…strong character…passion for everything that I do…love great music, spicy exotic foods, romantic comedies and the simple joys of life like a good cup of coffee, a nice walk, flowers, an accessory or a great story!
These "girls" are all starting to blend together. I’m good hearted (ask about me) and I guess I have a strong character, but I can’t bring myself to be upbeat. I mean, it just seems a little naive, what in the face of all the horrors. The what? The horrors. I can’t front on spicy foods though. It clears up my nasal passages, which I can then clog up again with…..
Also, I’m all about the simple joys of life, but could you choose something a little less cliche than "flowers"? For example, one of my "simple joys" is when someone is running for the bus or train, and the doors slam in their face. It makes my heart smile.
I love research and leadership too…
Columbia College (Early Decision) Graduate…Starting MEDICAL School next year! Right now, an AMAZING year off before I start 
Pro’s: You may one day be able to prescribe me pills. You may lead yourself into traffic one day. Watching someone who brags about themselves inevitably fail is very rewarding. Speaking strictly from a "revenge" point of view.
Cons: Listening to you talk about how hard medical school is. Pretending I care. Not banging other chicks while you are in "Whateverthefuck 101." Your insistence upon CAPITALIZING medical.
About my Match: Good hearted…Strength of character…A Fear of GOD…LOYAL
…Polished…
We already talked about my heart and my character, but a fear of God? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m willing to debate the existence of God, and I may even worship him. But I’m from New York City, and my character is so strong that unless God has a weapon, I ain’t giving up shit. I am LOYAL also, but only to people I’ve known for a minute. Your tendency to capitalize random words leads me to believe that mentally you may be UNSTABLE.
A desire to give 100% to everything including our relationship;)
Trying hard is for people who aren’t satisfied with what GOD gave them. If everyone put forth as little effort as possible, the goodness would rise to the top. Society is a lot like crack in that sense.
I don’t like a mean streak, sarcasm with an underlying message, selfishness,
Fuckballs! I do have a mean streak, but it’s mainly reserved for talking about people behind their back. My sarcasm has a real message: I’m smarter than you. I’m very generous with people, but I rarely have anything of value. Take the last hit and you will get stabbed, that’s my word.
and comparison…
Well that just about ruins "which male celebrity do you most resemble night" and "which girls on the street have better bodies than you night" and "comparing you to special Olympians based solely upon intelligence night."
Can I get your digits anyway?
Sorry, that was my sarcasm with an underlying message again. It pops up at most awkward times. Just like my herpes.
