Questions For Alito and Your Mohel has Herpes
Samuel Alito’s conformation hearings have begun. If I was a United States Senator, the first thing I would do is move to Washington.
Once situated in a new crib, I would purchase attire I deemed appropriate and probably drink a few many beers. I imagine I would have some staff to hire as well. Also, I know a few people in the D.C. area whom I haven’t seen in a minute, so I would want to take some time out to catch up with them and probably wind up drinking more beer.
I would also call my mom to tell her I had a safe trip, because a) I’m a good son like that and b) the only other time I wound up in D.C., it was after a failed attempt to go from Philadelphia to Baltimore on an Amtrak train after making a huge scene in the Philadelphia Amtrak station, so it is possible that I could have fucked the whole thing up and wound up hungover and confused in North Carolina instead of my house of manifest destiny on Cake Hill (nee Capitol Hill).
After all those tangential loose ends were tied up, these are some of the "questions" (or demands) I would ask Alito, during his confirmation hearings or as I like to call them "Mardi Gras with no alcohol."
- If you could either fly or have x-ray vision, which would you choose? Why?
- If a mugger confronts you on a dark street and demands money under the guise of having a weapon do you: a) give up the loot and keep it moving, b) ask to see said weapon before handing anything over, c) respond in a foreign language and offer a helpless smile as if to say "I would love to help however I know not these words you speak?"
I would be hoping he said "c" so I could ask him to demonstrate the smile.
- Defend being born in New Jersey in 5 words.
It’s not my fucking fault.
- Name 5 words that rhyme with "abortion". (if he says "extortion" first, I’m not voting to confirm him)
Contortion, distortion, proportion, portion, extortion.
- Do 25 push-ups.
- Who holds the MLB rookie record for Home Runs and in what year was it set?
Mark McGuire, 49, 1987.
- Explain the role fortune cookies play in your political philosophy.
- If you and Harriet Miers had a cook-off, what would you cook and why?
- In your own words, compare and contrast the Nas/Jay-Z beef with the Cold War.
- If you were a contestant of a game show, which show would it be and why?
Family Feud. Because family values are important. And also, wouldn’t Clan V. Clan be a more appropriate title for the show. It’s not as though the show is based upon infighting within ones family anyway. I see you Al Borland.
- In the movie "Who’s The Man?" (the fat fake) Dr. Dre and Ed Lover pass their Police Academy exam by using a tried and true system. Name that system.
ABBA-CADABBA all the way down! Awesome early 90’s movie with plenty of hip-hop cameo’s btw if you wasn’t up on it.
*Blindfold portion*
- Which is Coke and which is Pepsi?
- Is that a man or a woman touching you?
————————————————————————————————-
One additional thing to consider.
- " New York City is urging Jewish parents to stop letting mohels suck blood from circumcision wounds. The sucking, which is supposed to clean the wound, reportedly happens 2,000 to 4,000 times a year in the city. The city acted after several sucked boys got herpes infections, one of which led to brain damage. Some Orthodox Jews hold the practice sacred and accuse the city of violating religious freedom. Others say it’s about time the city did something to protect kids from zealots."
http://www.slate.com/id/2133988/ - India is not the hotbed of liberal ideals it once was.
Later in the Week: A breakdown of how a perfect and productive day can be spent. AND I plan a fictional "racial harmony picnic" in honor of MLK day.
