Shakespeare Smoked Weed
Whats really fam?
My weekend was filled with watching sports, drinking heavily and reflecting upon my lifetime of achievement and honor.
Dear readers, Is it only a matter of weeks until I can no longer walk down the street without thousands of people trying to touch me and get my autograph?
Kindly respect my privacy and I won’t be forced back into reclusiveness. Speaking of which, bears really have the right idea about winter. Have you ever thought about the first shit a bear takes after it has been hibernating for 3-4 months?
I sure have.
A few points, before I go off into tangent mode.
-Hopkins vs. Taylor 2. Hopkins won in my eyes and I was wearing glasses. I suppose that my scorecard of 108-104 was a little bit biased, as I’ve always been a vocal opponent of assclowns like Jermain "The Cowardly Lion" Taylor. But really, I was in a room with 7 people, and maybe 1 of them had the fight scored a draw and everyone else had Hopkins winning by one or two rounds. Also, despite what various media outlets have said about Bernard "Anthony" Hopkins wearing the executioners mask being a "desperate attempt at intimidation" I thought it was gangsta as all hell.
-At least the Winky Wright fight this Saturday is going to be free on HBO, as Winky Wright is about as much of a Pay-Per-View draw as watching the slow, painful process of wetlands erosion. Actually, I would rather watch the wetlands, at least they don’t just cover up whenever someone comes inside, and they aren’t down with State Property or Dame Dash.
-USC. That’s whats up. If you want me to take your cake, bet on Texass. Reggie Bush will win the Heisman, unless the same people who judged the Taylor-Hopkins fight are also voting.
-For all the shit I’ve been talking about how much better Carson Palmer is than Eli Manning, you would think the fellatio-fanatics who root for the Giants could send me a little note saying "son, you were right, we were wrong." It has yet to arrive.
After having alienated my female readers with a few paragraphs about sports, here is the tangent I promised above. Wouldn’t you say I do this stream of consciousness shit better than James Joyce?
On Friday I made my triumphant return to drinking. Last week, I was ill and decided that not drinking and keeping the cigarette smoking to a minimum would nurse me back to health. I was right. Maybe I should go to medical school.
I’ve also always said if I got my doctorate in anything, I would legally change my government last name to "ROX" so I could be "Doctor ROX" - you gotta aim high if you want to shoot ‘em in the head.
Right?
Right. So I was with my man Pat-Lo on Friday afternoon, drinking some beer and chilling. After a 40 and a six-pack, I was sufficiently slurred enough to tolerate the public and we headed to Corner Bistro to eat some burgers and drink $2 McSorleys. Yo, have you seen those Stouffers "Corner Bistro" microwavable dinner commercials? For word that shit looks nasty. The corner is a good look for drug dealers and hookers, but not for frozen shrimp and pasta - get the fuck out of here.
As we were leaving Corner Bistro, Pat-Lo began screaming things like "DUCK!" and "GET DOWN", which is perfectly acceptable behavior on side streets, but not on main through-fares, and certainly not on the crosstown bus. Anyway, some lunatic came on the bus screaming about the bible and this and that and God and whatnot. It was nice, for a change, to see a lunatic on the bus. Their preferred method of transportation is the shopping cart, followed closely by the train. Mr. Screamy refused to engage me in a serious conversation, and since I’m no bible scholar, I attempted to taunt him with Shakespeare quotes. "Society is no comfort to those not sociable."
Have you noticed how similar Shakespeare is the bible? Also, back in 1998 when the Best still delivered 50’s of the raw (perhaps they still do, hopefully I’m not blowing up spots) they had this one strain while they called "Shakespeare." I remember specifically opening up a 50 in Computer A class (whats really, Ms. Mayadas??) and it stinking up the whole room. And they said drugs would ruin my memory, ha! I guess it isn’t as much of a deterrent to kids to say "don’t smoke weed, or else you’ll go off on lots of tangents in the distant future."
In the not so distant future, I will have to make a touch choice about my attendance at the Gras of ‘06. By all accounts, this will be an emotional and historic occasion and I love me some week-long binging, but I want some confirmation from someone who has been down to New Orleans that shit will pop. I mean, it’s good and well that Bourbon Street has most of their neon signs back up, but that and some wishful thinking will cop me an 1/4 of dro and a bag of yay.
Have the drug supply networks been set up again?
Are there people working in the Rite-Aide’s to sell me beer and cigarettes?
Does it smells bad like it usually does, or does the whole city smell bad like the corner of Canal and Bourbon?
Will I find any dead bodies in the street?
If I see a house I like, and no one is in it, can I keep it?
Am I the Governor of Louisiana? Can I be?
Does Pat O’s still sell hurricanes? Isn’t that wrong?
Perhaps all the beads that wind up on the ground all over the city can be used to patch up the levee. Y’all are aware that there are still gaping holes in the levee, right?
New Orleans, Louisiana: Scared To Leave My Home.
