fun facts about the world

As most of you have probably realized by now, I wouldn’t be able to come up with these amazing stories weeks before they appeared in major publications if I didn’t have someone on the inside (no homo). So get ready to get ready (no typo) to hold on to your hat, because this time my source has brought me some exclusive flicks to back up one of hip-hop’s most talked about rumors of 2005.

LUKE WILSON IS GOING TO JOIN DIP SET.

While some may remember Luke Wilson as being in the movie Old School, very few hip-hop fans realize he is old school. As a ghostwriter and producer Luke "Kill Sonz" Wilson was the architect behind some of the most well known hip-hop songs in history such as "O.P.P.", "Hard Knock Life", "Shook Ones Part 2", "Protect Ya Neck", "Watch Out Now", "J.U.I.C.Y.", "Dear Mama" and many others too numerous to mention in such limited space.

By bringing a much needed white member into the group, Dip Set can finally appeal to the suburban white audience, who as we all know never buy any hip-hop records. And they certainly don’t parade around their tree-lined streets dressed like gangstas on the way to Hebrew School. Jesus Christ, what would Moses say??

Now, I’m not sure what ethnicity Juelz Santana is, but one would assume with a last name like Santana he was at least partially Hispanic. And Cam is clearly black. Now, with Luke Wilson’s added element of diversity, Dip Set is basically hip-hop’s answer to the Untied Colors of Benetton, but with substantially less fashion sense. (you HAVE TO click on the flick).

Here is another disturbing flick which begs the question, is Ed Lover actually Jim Jones father?

I mean, I won’t front like I’ve ever sat court side at a Knicks game or even that I have a chain as nice as the one Jim Jones is wearing. However, when I was a senior in college and alcohol clouded my judgment 24/7 I decided that I wanted to get my hair braided.

I mean, what else says credibility like a white kid with braids?

While my plan was a joke, I assure you I did actually get a girl to try and lace my shit up. Anyway, to make a long story short, although my hair was pretty long, it wasn’t really "braidable" in the traditional sense and to make matters worse I was drinking heavily during the process and about 1/4th of the way through I couldn’t hold my head upright anymore. So, when I woke up in the morning with 2 1/2 braids in, a bunch of rubber bands stuck in my hair and a pounding headache I realized that this was not the look for me.

I wonder when Jim Jones will have the same realization?

Also, my anonymous source reported overhearing Cam’ron asking a "mohawked white rich guy" the question "you wanna make some paper?"

My source, apparently well aware of all the doubting haters who read my shit with envy in the center of their bitter cold hearts, went on to say "honest to god first hand truth."

And that, my friends, is how you write an exclusive.