Cartoon Network Got Bagged, bin Laden Not Bagged
One of my "alert" readers sent this link to me earlier today. I feel as though I would be doing the world a disservice if I didn’t offer some commentary. I’ll paste in parts of the original article and offer a bit of insight on the truth value behind Newsdays statements. Who knew Newsday was still around?? People who live on Long Island, that’s who.
"A drug organization calling itself the Cartoon Network delivered high-grade marijuana to the doors of affluent clients in New York City and Long Island who identified themselves on the phone with the code-word "cartoon," according to court documents."
They did in fact have high grade marijuana, but to call the clients affluent is a bit of a stretch. I’m sure some of them were, but it’s not like the minimum order was $500 or anything. Also, I can’t think of one instance where someone called them and was like "cartoon." It was more like "um, uh, hi this is (your name)…I, uh, got, ummm, your number from (friends name)…Can, uh, oh boy, you come through to (location you are at)." And anywhere ranging from an hour to never the guy would show up with the cubes. They were big on claiming they would come through and then just not showing. I’ve never been stood up on a date, but the weedman has left me in the cold more than once. And I kept coming back. You ladies could learn a lot from my unconditional forgiveness. And I can’t comment on the Long Island aspect of their delivery zone either, but with those culture vultures out there, it’s probably true.
"Customers paid $100 for 2 grams of the drug, which was packed in plastic vials to contain the odor. The vials were recently embossed with "Merry Christmas," the sources said."
Now, while they did sell the ill-skimpy 50’s, I would say that the "source" here should invest in a digital scale. It’s the gift that keeps on giving. Every time I saw a 50 weighed out, it was no less that 1.4, which is pretty fucking awful, but by my math that’s 2.8 grams for $100. Also, there were times that it (gasp!) weighed out to 2.1 -probably when the bag-up kids fucked up. I don’t doubt that they had "Merry Christmas" on the cubes, although "Happy Holidays" would have been a little more inclusive.
Also, Newsday, I’m not sure what your idea of a vial is, but the term that I’ve always used for the container is "cube". Let me illustrate.
-this is a vial. The stopper on it is a little nutso, but I assure you that this is NOT what the 50’s from Cartoon came in. This is however the type of vial crack comes in, if you are the sort of person who is willing to fuck with that ready-rock garbage. Personally, I would advise against it and say three little words -cook up kid! 
- and this is a cube. Sadly, I was unable to find a better example of a cube. If you have time and/or want to start slanging, you can go down to the plastic district on west Canal street. I used to make the trip down there every couple of weeks or so, when I was really interested in plastics. Also, they sell a wide variety of colored plastic cubes, which can be used in place of a clear cube to obscure an objective view of the contents. I’m just saying. This isn’t necessary if you’ve got that fire though.
"It is the best," one source said of the quality of drug-ring’s marijuana.
Don’t get gassed playgirl.
It is very good, but honestly I would much prefer the uptown haze to anything they ever brought through. Also, isn’t "best" a little subjective? How can one qualify greatness relative to the entire world? Sadly, one cannot. I won’t front though, the "G-13" with the Bill Clinton sticker on it was pretty special. Even the Brooklyn goons admitted it.
"The network has been in operation since 1999 and is one of at least four in the metropolitan area that have been under investigation for "door-to-door" home delivery of marijuana."
This all sounds true. I remember when I first got to college, kids were bugging when I tried to put them on to how services operated. I got a lot of "just like Half-Baked?" questions. It was the beginning of feeling like a caricature for four years. Hence the alcohol consumption.
"The multimillion-dollar organization bragged over federal wiretaps that its clientele included professional athletes, entertainment figures and other high-profile professionals, according to sources familiar with the case."
This is probably also true, although I’m sure that Marbury and the like didn’t call themselves. Shouldn’t athletes set a better example by not smoking weed? I mean, doesn’t it have adverse reactions to all the ‘roids pulsing through their veins?
"But a team of federal agents has been going over the actual telephoned orders seized during the recent arrests to determine who were the actual customers, the sources said."
Ha! I’m sure glad that my number isn’t in their directory. But really, I wouldn’t be too worried if you did happen to be one of their clients. I would imagine that they’ll probably try and compel a couple of people to testify and that will be that. Another note - I understand the need to keep records, but when you hear the DEA knock, you hit the "self-destruct" switch on the operation and jump out the fire-escape. Duh.
"The Cartoon Network was a highly structured operation, with a network of suppliers, managers and couriers, according to court records."
If they were that highly structured, they wouldn’t have been bagged up in the first place. Also, if I wasn’t a vocal opponent of all the snitching going on, I could have dropped a dime on them numerous times. But I don’t get down like that. STOP SNITCHING!
Also, the couriers have been robbed countless times -which is one of the reasons they went through such lengths to keep detailed records, I suppose. I’m sure a more ambitious robber could have pulled a Method Man and sewn the couriers asshole closed and "kept feeding him, and feeding him, and feeding him.." until he divulged some secrets. I mean, everyone gets got eventually.
One thing which they failed to mention, and was possible the only endearing quality of Cartoon Network, other than their above-average (but not "the best") tree, was that they gave you a scratch-off lottery ticket with your order. I still have the "Take 5" I won 4 dollars on sitting in the crib, which reminds me that I’m almost out of trees.
So, to summarize, don’t call Cartoon anymore!
