Wrapping It Up Like That Chick Sleeps Around
Well look at you motherfucker, reading my blog. Well done old chap, and all that fly shit. I’m going to start working on a new style of post where, when I have no point, I’ll just kinda bounce around to various items which have piqued my interest since the last time I posted. Kind of a "wrap up" - if you will.
You don’t like?? You don’t buy. (Upon further review this is not what I wound up doing with this post, maybe in the future…who knows? Jesus, that’s who.)
As I was on the train heading to the Bronx to chill with Mr. Martinez on Saturday, quietly reading my book and minding my own business, I realized that NYC is overpopulated with people who don’t know how to shut the fuck up.
First a homeless guy comes through the cars, loudly explaining his plight and asking for money. I didn’t give him any be
cause I wasn’t in the mood. I prefer to donate to the silent, desperate looking homeless people who position themselves on street corners, avoiding the flow of foot traffic. Let your sign be your voice, I always say.
Literally, less than a minute later, I hear another homeless man giving a very similar speech about the hard times he has fallen on, and again, I decline his offer to accept my charity. Hey MTA, the "give to charity, just not here" posters don’t work if you don’t eject homeless people from the subway system when you see them begging. Also, you aren’t fooling anyone with those "he may be without a home, but he is not without help" signs that indicate the MTA employs social workers to wander around helping whatever homeless people they may come into contact with. I think I’ve mentioned in the past that the MTA are a bunch of no-good, low-life, ill-mannered motherfuckers who do not care about homeless people and have piss-poor accounting skills. Whew!
So, I’ve become a little flustered now, having to go out of my way to avoid eye-contact twice in two minute. Then, right on cue, my man selling The Street News -which is kinda like a newspaper version of FUBU for homeless people- enters the car SCREAMING for us to buy his paper. I remember back in the day the Street News people used to have sandwiches and juice to hand out to any homeless or hungry people they came across. This guy had no food, since Roodee diverted all those funds to his HAS’s (Homeless Assassination Squads).
Hey "no homo", maybe if you sold $5 packs of Newports you could raise some money and make a difference. The NYPost costs a fucking quarter and has more content than I would know what to do with on an hour-long train trip.
So, at this point I’m at a loss for what to do, when a very large man sits down next to me, taking up much more than his allotted one seat. Through some act of God, instead of talking to me, he takes out what looks like a child’s version of the Bible and begins to read. I imagine he reads slowly.
No less than five minutes later, some ornery 40-something white man begins grilling the guy next to me and approaches him by saying "what does your bible say about God?" - this was not a question which had a correct answer. Whitey McReligion had clearly already decided that the homeless men and the Street News floor-show were merely the opening act to his impassioned evangelical SCREAMING.
As Mr. McReligion began what I assume to be a long speech full of words like "god" and "repent", I shook my head and changed cars. It would have been some sick irony if I had been ticketed by 5’s for doing so while the train was in motion.
Sticking with the MTA theme, has anyone else spent anytime recently in the passage between the 6 and the 7 in Grand Central? The Mexicans selling bootleg DVD’s, churros and playing annoying music while battery-operated dolls dance around have really taken over. Literally, they layout their blankets full of illegally duplicated DVD’s and block about half of the pedestrian walkway, and I’ve never seen one of them arrested. How is this possible? I mean, if you are going to enter our country illegally and then illegally duplicate products (Mexico doesn’t care about intellectual property rights) and not pay taxes on your illegal income, can you at least get the fuck out of my way during rush hour?
Am I being unreasonable?
