The Ghost Of Rae Carruth
"P-A-N-T-S-O-F-F…YAY!"
First of all, I’m not quite clear on how homegirl on the right ever got to be a cheerleader with that face (I’m sure it involved something that rhymes with "pots of grow-globs") but one thing is for sure: The Carolina Panthers cheerleaders get things crunk.
I was poised to do a scathing expose (I don’t know how to add the accents) about campaign literature today, but after checking www.badmintonstamps.com (notorious Chronikill collaborators), I decided that this issue was decidedly more pressing.
Stolen from espn.com (which, after pasting, begs the question "why did I waste my time including their pictures on top?"):
"Two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders who witnesses told police were having sex with each other in a bathroom stall at a Tampa, Fla., nightclub were arrested and charged early Sunday following a run-in with patrons and police.
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According to a police report obtained by the CBS TV affiliate in Tampa and the Charlotte Observer, Angela Ellen Keathley and Renee Thomas were arrested following an incident at Banana Joe’s, in Tampa’s Channelside district, at 2:10 a.m. ET."
I’ve certainly been in the situation before where two girls have pushed their way to the front of the bathroom line all drunk and sloppy and then locked themselves in and spent tens of minutes in what I could only assume was a coke-fueled-love-fest. It’s pretty annoying, but it’s nothing to call the police over. Hell, if you play your cards right you can be the lucky bastard doing bumps off boobies. However as a drug-free virgin, I know nothing of that life.
On Halloween this year I was at a party waiting my turn for the WC (or doubley-vay say as they say in France) when two girls (whom I had never met before and weren’t even hot) locked themselves in the bathroom. This went on for about 15 minutes as the line grew longer and the people in line became increasingly angered. My solution was to loudly tell everyone else in the line that they were doing cocaine in the bathroom (under the guise of concern). "Oh my god, what if they both OD’D and we were just standing here in line. I’m actually kinda worried. I heard she had a real problem with drugs in high-school." -I told people with a serious and concerned expression on my face. When the two bladder buddies finally emerged a few minutes later everyone was giving them the "judgment stare" and shaking their heads.
See, no police necessary. And if it had become really important to use the bathroom, I would have pissed off the fire escape- because I’m good like that.
Back to the Carolina Panthers, who probably thought that their string of bad publicity was done after Panther WR Rae Carruth (best link ever, btwhttp://www.nndb.com/people/477/000086219/ ) was convicted of murdering his baby momma and stuffing her into the trunk of a car. (I’m pretty sure he is only doing 18 years too)
Making the best out of a bad situation, Cam’ron (Dipset, bitch!) said shortly afterward that he would "Junk you up/ then trunk you up like Rae Carruth/" and everything was in fact better. Now the sports world waits in eager anticipation of what Cam’ron will say about this most recent blunder by the Panthers.
One thing is for sure: "you can find them ho’s at Banana Joe’s" -which has been doing increased business since this incident took place. No word yet if they will pull a move similar to Katz Deli, (who put up a sign commemorating the famous "When Harry Met Sally" table at their restaurant) by making the "When Angela Met Renee" stall in their bars bathroom.
I’ll keep you posted.
