Michael Irving Is an Incorrigible Crackhead
Michael Irving, a former great wide receiver who is now mainly known for his not so in-depth analysis of football for ESPN has been arrested (once again) on drug-paraphernalia charges.
Irving, who insists this is somehow a mistake, claims: "that the drug pipe found in his car belonged to a friend of 17 years who left a Houston rehab center and came to [his] house in Carrollton for Thanksgiving. He wouldn’t reveal his friend’s name."
Honestly, why don’t crackheads make better backup plans? Being a crackhead means living a life where "just in case" is an everyday occurrence. I mean, the whole "it’s not mine mom, I’m holding it for a friend -I swear" excuse didn’t work in high school and it sure as hell doesn’t work in the real world. Still, people would do well to take note that Michael Irving is a real man and he DOES NOT SNITCH. STOP SNITCHING!!
"Irving also said he put the pipe in his car because he didn’t want it in his house where his children might find it. He said he planned to drive somewhere the next day, like a grocery trash bin, and throw the pipe away but forgot."
First of all, what sort of household are you running where you will allow someone fresh out of rehab to be around your children?
Secondly, assuming the children found the pipe, they would need to cop yay and cook it before it would do them any good. What sort of fucking kids are digging through the garbage 
anyway?
Oh, word, those starving kids in New Jersey, my bad. Besides in terms of danger to a child, those big 5-cent peppermints (which killed two kids in the city in a matter of days last year, if you recall) clearly pose more of a risk than a crack pipe ever did.
Thirdest, everyone who is anyone will tell you that it is easy as shit to break a stem. Hell, rap it in a newspaper and step on it. Viola, now instead of a "drug pipe" (the media, showing some rare compassion didn’t call it a crack pipe, which it obviously was) you have some broken glass, which can be thrown away in the regular garbage, or recycled -if you please.
Also, there are obviously a few places in his house he doesn’t allow his children to go, for example, the liquor cabinet, the gun cabinet, the porno booth and a host of other nooks and crannies off-limits to the kids -why not hide it there? I mean, with a little foresight the pipe would still be sitting on the mantle in the cocaine room and his children and the police would be none the wiser.
Whip-whip yay.
Put that in your stem and base it.
