Kate Moss, International Coke Whore
When I was younger, my parents would always tell me not to hang out with drug addicts. Besides the practical reasons of them being bad influences who are likely to steal shit out of your medicine cabinet while vomiting in and around your toilet, they have a nasty habit of making you look bad and dying at the worst possible time.
Kate Moss (nee: the coke skeleton) apparently didn’t have very good guidance as a youthful coke whore. Rumors swirled around places where shitheads gossip about losers, regarding her relationship with some dirty drug-addict named Pete who used to be in a band called the "Libertines."
I don’t really know much about this Pete guy and the Libertines except that they are both from England and I’m pretty sure there is a black guy in the group. At some point Pete broke into the black guys house to protest affirmative action, or some nonsense. Anyway, Pete had developmed some sort of ridiculous drug habit where he (claimed) he was spending like $10,000 a day/week on crack and heroin. I don’t really know much about the going rate of heroin, but for less than $1,000 I could cook and serve him more crack then he could smoke in a 24hr period- but I’m nice like that.
Moving, as they say, right along, this "newspaper" in England (I put newspaper in quotes because anyone who has ever been to England knows that "news" means gossip, football and page 3 girls) did some sort of undercover investigation into Kate and Pete’s relationship and recorded some pretty incriminating shit, including Kate "nosebleed" Moss snorting a couple of lines with a 5-pound note (they call their money "pounds" or "quid" and their bills "notes"). Now, ever the most careless rich drug addict I know always has at least a $20 dollar bill to roll up, to avoid those filthy smaller bills, which are more likely to be handled by poor, disease carrying people.
This same "newspaper" had apparently done a story on Kate Moss collapsing into a cocaine induced seizure in the past. Then she sued for slander and won. Vendetta, anyone?
Anyway, so Katie the Cokie had just recently been named as the face of H&M for something like $1.8 million, or as we say in America "money for nothing." After her coked out booger became international news, they dropped her ass like an empty bag of coke after realizing that she was some drugged out slag (that’s how they say "ho" across the pond).
So, my main point here, is that all really skinny models and actresses are on cocaine. I will prove my point below, through a series of photos and comments that I hope you all find amusing.
Nicoke Ritchie. When the simple life premiered, I had some passing thoughts about putting a bag over her head and turning her around to hit that doggystyle. Not no mo, as she is now virtually indistiguishable from thin air.
The fat lady from the TV. Clearly not on cocaine.
I mean anyone who can even sit down to a bowl of pasta that large probably just smoked a blunt of that good shit.
Lindsey Cokehan. Once the teen-aged fantasy of many creepy old men, due to her recent weight and breast loss, she now appeals to a whole new demographic: pedophiles. Shes not gassed, but you can say that her head got real big recently.
Britney Spears. Sooooooo clearly not on cocaine, as the drug affords it’s users the illusion of sophistication. And she "just don’t know what an illusion is y’all." And I’ve heard of gaining weight during your pregnancy, but this shit is ridiculous. In a future post, I hope to discuss how Britney and That Wigger are kinda like Americas trailer park version of Posh and Becks.
So that’s me, done for the day. May your models be waif-like, your powder be shiny and your notes be large.
