fun facts about the world

It’s your boy James aka ROX ONE from Chronikill. But mostly James.

Anyway, as I’ve been bombarding everyone with updates on the amazing inevitability of this FREE show on FRIDAY, I figured I may as well post it here.

CHRONIKILL

FRIDAY JULY 29TH 9pm

SATELITE BAR

505 east 6th Street (between ave  A and ave B)

2 sets. 10:30 and 1:30am

2$ beers and 5$ beer and a shot ALL NIGHT LONG

NO COVER. NO COVER. ITS FREE TO GET IN.

Anyway, here are some bonus free word association that you should all respond to in the comment section.

Someone mentioned to me that my tone was, in general, too harsh for people to comment on the blogs. I told them to gag on my cock.

1: chronikill

2: west side

3: eggs

4: blue

5: powder

6: authority

7: therapy

-all right. see y’all in the comments section, or at the show. I’ll be the drunk one on stage. that isn’t cypher.

Now, as a New York City resident, I feel as though I face the threat of terrorism on a daily basis. I’m not scared of another terrorist attack, but please lets not kid eachother; if shit pops this is where it will pop.

Be it in the form of another London-style subway attack, or a another massive attack like 9/11, it seems inevitable that something will happen sooner or later.

The trains and buses are not the happy orgy of transportation they once were: shit is nervous.

And now this, from todays (7/26/05) NY Post…as if I (we? well some of us, at least…) needed more shit to worry about.

————-

Osama bin Laden tried to buy a massive amount of cocaine, spike it with poison and sell it in the United States, hoping to kill thousands of Americans one year after the 9/11 attacks, The Post has learned.

The evil plot failed when the Colombian drug lords bin Laden approached decided it would be bad for their business - and, possibly, for their own health, according to law-enforcement sources familiar with the Drug Enforcement Administration’s probe of the aborted transaction. The feds were told of the scheme earlier this year, but its existence had never been made public. The Post has reviewed a document detailing the DEA’s findings in the matter, in addition to interviewing sources familiar with the case.

http://www.nypost.com/news/worldnews/50787.htm - to continue with the article.

This shit is bugged.

The government, in the past few years, aired commercials trying to make all the drug heads out there feel guilty about buying product because it "funds terrorism" (why not legalize then?? and didn’t we fund these same terrorist groups in the 80’s??).

Will they air commercials now saying "make your friend do the first line?"

"I’ve got the key to New York City, and I do bumps off it." -ROX

A long time ago in a land far, far away there lived some woman named Jane Fonda. What, if anything, she did to get famous is not really the central part of my argument. And by argument, I mean hate speech: as protected by the 1st amendment.

I first heard of Jane Fonda in the early-90’s when a Bay-Area rapper named Sir-Mix-A-Lot (if you are over 18, you should really know who Sir-Mix-A-Lot is, if you are under 18, stay in school and don’t do drugs!) had a wildly popular song called "Baby Got Back." Sir-Mix-A-Lot, not unlike myself, dissed Jane Fonda, only he did it while standing on giant ass cheeks, with the following lines.

"Know your girlfriend drives a Honda, playing workout tapes by Fonda/

But Fonda ain’t got a motor in the back of her Honda/

My anaconda don’t want none unless you’ve got buns, hun/"

One may question what Sir-Mix-A-Lot was smoking when he chose he name, as it is the DJ who does the mixing, and not the rapper. It doesn’t make much sense, but I never really thought about it until now.

Anyway, Jane Fonda came to my attention a couple of times in the past year, other than the obvious nostalgia-induced playing of mixtapes I made in the aforementioned early-90’s which had the song "Baby Got Back" on them.

The first time is when she was superimposed on the John Kerry photo. It was around this time that the Kerry campaign began to resemble the Mets. The ‘62 Mets.

The second was when her book came out, I can’t remember the exact title, but it something like "I’m really dumb, everyone hates me and I have such low self-esteem that I used to subject myself to threesomes with my husband and other chicas because I’m a gold-digging bitch and I got used to the cake."

The thing about this that really struck me, champion of womens rights that I am, is that there are young, impressionable girls out there who probably look up to this whacked-out bitch. Listen to me, not her.

Anyway, in what can only be seen as an attempt to further weaken the Democratic party and make them look like a bunch of left-wing hippies who hate America, Jane is going to protest the war in Iraq by taking a "cross-country bus tour on a bus that runs on vegetable oil." I’m not making this shit up.

Don’t get me wrong, war is bad maaaaaan and I am certainly not thrilled about whats going on in Iraq.

And alternative energy is the future maaaaaan and should be researched and funded. I just read some shit the other day about simple converters you can buy on the internet to make your car run on, like, excess oil for McDonalds or some shit. Sometimes I read while I’m drinking, so it’s hard to remember details, or if I really read that, or was having one of my trademark "awake dreams."

And I also know that Jane Fonda isn’t the official spokesperson for the Dems, but she undermines any attempt at a rational, bi-partisan dialogue by doing this publicity-whore thing. In doing so, she makes normal, ridiculously good-looking, intelligent, funny, weed smoking, beer drinking, Tulane graduating 24-year old New York City natives whose last names end in vowels and have blogs on Friendster look like raving caricatures (although thats also a pretty accurate description of me) to the people in the bible belt and the south. And other than the obvious negative political connotations for the Democrats, there are some fuckable girls in those places, and I’m trying to live.

And I couldn’t really overlook this "Jane recently converted to a fairly well thought out, eco-feminist version of Christianity." So, if you are a gold-digging ex-celeb, you just get to Choose Your Own Christianity??

Well, if high-powered assault rifles aren’t the end of this bitch, solace can be taken in the fact that she will eventually fall victim to the wrinkly death that is the undeniable end result of that cruel bastard time. And thankfully we won’t be bumping into each other, because ain’t no way my version of heaven will be as "eco-feminist" as hers.

name that quote: "Religion is the only thing that keeps poor people from killing rich people."

hint: it wasn’t her.

**authors note: yo, the spell check wasn’t working.

It was another crazy, exciting weekend in NST land. By which I mean I got drunk and went to the racetrack and also got drunk and went other places. We do a lot of drinking here in NST land.

Anyway, so after my amazing rap group of the finest local international superstars rehearsed on Friday morning, it was off to the track for the last weekend of summer racing. On our way to the track (my friend and frequent co-defendant Charlie "Carlos in the Kitchen" Cypher was persuaded to join me after he laundered his rags and consumer some beer) it was hard not to notice the 15-20 men dressed in camouflage carrying machine guns in the Jamaica LIRR station (which, for the record, does not have beautiful beaches, scantily clad lovelies, island music or cheap tree). It was also somewhat confusing that in the Woodside station, there wasn’t even a rent-a-cop to give the illusion of safety. The main thing the soldiers seemed to be doing, other than making everyone really nervous, was flirting with girls. One of the soldiers was comically fat and happened to be Puerto Rican, it was like Big Pun came back to life in the army, sans machine gun delivery and Bronx wit.

Anyway, when we finally get on our connecting train, we crack open the tall boys and start drinking as we speed towards Belmont. I didn’t see any other police or army officials for the rest of my commute, although it was reassuring (from a 1984-esque perspective) that they kept flashing the news that we would be subject to random searches of our bags. Awesome!

I would change the name and focus of this blog to "How NYC gets Assfucked by the Feds Through the Distribution of Homeland Security Money and Other, Less Obvious, Ways", but then I would deprive my readers of rants and raves about shit like how Star Jones is a pig and someone should kick Britney Spears in the stomach (because she is pregnant) .

You would never hear me say that Katie Holmes may look like the girl next door…if you grew up in a fucking trailer park.

You may have remained unaware that, after the war, all I really wanted to do was write folk songs about my cock and play acoustic guitar.

Anyway, while I was at the track placing my bets, as if to get rich, some idiot in front of me forgot to take his ticket, so I had a free $10 on the 5 horse to win in the 5th.. The horse was 3 lengths out with 1 furlong to go, and closed strong to win at the wire. My man came in at 6-1 and paid $70 on a $10 bet.

Next time take your ticket stupid.

More explosions is London today. This is no good. The explosions were "minor" compared to 2 weeks ago. This, in conjunction with the recent report on NY1 below does not paint an optimistic picture of what the compilations of deuche-bags in our Federal, state and city Gov are doing to keep the subways safer.

Has anyone else noticed that since JA started bombing again about 18 months ago, there is new shit from him in almost every tunnel and along most lines. Can you imagine if JA was a terrorist and not a graf writer?? Thats a lot of bombs, no pun intended.

call them bitches!!

But then again, I really don’t think too many people in Washington care if NYC’ers die. Or at least they don’t care enough to allocate the correct amount of cake. Thanks guys! There is blood on all of you hands!

FROM NY1:

"How secure are the city’s subways? NY1 dropped in on an MTA subway facility this week and found that the answer might not be as comforting as you think.

But after hearing about NY1’s report, the MTA says it’s taking immediate steps to fix the problems at two of the gates we were able to get past."

That’s hot!

Don’t snort Darvocet.

Here are a few flicks, just in case any of  you forgot how amazing I am. Physically speaking.

I hope you’re happy.

I hope you’re healthy.

And I hope you stay alive. -Proverb

The supreme court, not unlike a Taco Supreme, tastes so good because of its delicate blend of different Mexican flavors.

Personally, I don’t really like sour cream. You may feel the same way about states rights. Aren’t we all on the same team?

During the confirmation of John G. Roberts Jr. (This may or may not be the elusive "John G." from Memento, which I wouldn’t put past the Bush Administration- fucking bingo-liars that they are) "our" President once again had trouble navigating the slippery slope that is speaking English. Most people have come to accept the fact that Bush routinely stumbles over simple words and phrases to the point where his speeches are reduced to sounding like some airhead actress, presenting the "Lifetime Achievement Award" at a Hollywood awards show and reading the cue-cards with the inflection and poor pronunciation one would expect from a mildly retarded ESL student.

I understand that the President has a lot on his small mind, and I find it perfectly reasonable to use cue-cards to cite statistics, like how much money the war cost and how much money his people are making off of it. You know, huge numbers that change daily should be kept handy so that the public is accurately informed.

However, when our President is making a speech that announces his Supreme Court nomination, and he says "Judge John Roberts is…." he should not have to look down at his cue-cards to come up with " a decent and honest man."

Do you feel me? Why would he even feel the need to point that out? It’s not as if the public would expect him to nominate some sort of "indecent liar" with an "agenda"… oh….m’bad.

Jesus Christ, how can someone have such an innate aversion to acting intelligent??? I would imagine being Bush is similar to the feeling you get when you smoke crack and exhale it into a whippit and then huff the whippit. You know, amped-up confusion leading to violent delusions of grandeur and eventually nap time.

B-Hop.

On Saturday in Las Vegas, Bernard "The Executioner" Hopkins lost his undisputed middle-weight title to Jermain "I’m an assclown" Taylor. Hopkins had held this belt 12 years. That’s a long fucking time. I can hardly go 12 minutes without losing something.

Jermain "Jackson" Taylor didn’t impress me at all during the fight, other than initially showing good speed and early combos that seemed to have Hopkins off balance and dodging wildly. I would describe his fighting style against Hopkins as that of a "shook young bitch" who had "bitten off far more than he could chew."

But, after awarding the first two rounds to Taylor, I only had him winning one more round the entire fight. As Max "HCHS Alum" Kellerman said, 3 of the rounds were difficult to call, but I gave all 3 of those to Hopkins on the strength that he was the champ and Taylor wasn’t even going hard at him. You have to put the champ on his back at least once, or barring that, you have to be the aggressor for the entire fight. Not just the first 7 rounds.

It did take Hopkins a while to get started, but Taylor wasn’t landing any punches at all, and I felt as though his wild style was detracting from his scorecard as opposed to strengthening it. Perhaps Hopkins could have posed less and punched more in rounds 6-9, but I felt as though his taunts increasing frustrated Taylor, who never hurt him during the fight.

Now Taylor, as someone pointed out, "looks mean."

Hopkins, former jailbird and man-on-man-rapist, IS mean. He will eat your food if you aren’t eating it right.

When he started landing right hands, it was obvious that he was setting Taylor up. Unfortunately whenever Hopkins started eating Taylor’s food, Jermain turned his back as though he was trying to get his shit pushed in. At some point the ref actually stopped a punch that would have caught a defenseless Taylor (whose back was turned) in the temple. At no point were any points deducted from Taylor for his refusal to fight or defend himself. I was so enraged that I scored one of the rounds 10-8 Hopkins, because Taylor was being such a fucking pussy.

Anyway, one of the judges had the audacity to give the last round to Taylor, even though at two separate times during the round Taylor put his arms down and turned his back on the fight.

Hopkins (who once grabbed a Puerto Rican flag out of Don Kings hand before the Trinidad fight and stomped on it. In Puerto Rico.) was very composed in the post-fight interview, and pointed out that he didn’t even look like he had been in a fight, and that he knew he had won. I agree with him.

Fuck Lou DiBella.

Now after watching the All-Star game last night on Fox, two things became clear.

1: The Fox fall line up is going to suck. I don’t remember specifics, but they had trailers for a couple of new shows.

OK, one specific, Michael Rappaport plays a white dad whose (white) daughter is dating a black kid (who, I would imagine, through a series of ethnic stereotypes, both offends and charms the crackers). The one scene they played in the commercial has M Rap asking the young thug "whats your name" and the thug responding with "Tay, it’s short for Boo-tay."

Tremendous. Just when I thought doing cases of whippits by myself every night was why my brain cell count had been dropping so rapidly, Fox cleared it up with a proverbial tap on the shoulder and a whispered "excuse me sir, our programming has been designed to make you stupider."

Phil Mushnik (of the NY Post, or as I like to call it "The Newest Testament") does a pretty good job of taking the people who write this shit to task. I guess that if you live in Kansas or wherever the fuck it is that people have never had an interaction with anyone that wasn’t a middle-aged-white-christian-man, you could be mildly amused by the premise of the show. I would at least like to cash in on this "white person interacts with black person or some permutation of this scenario with slightly variable ethnicity’s" phenomenon of shitty TV shows and movies before it’s too late.

And if that wasn’t ridiculous enough, the Idea of M Rap as a father with a daughter who has already reached sexual maturity makes me feel old.

2: Miguel Tejada is a damn fine baseball player. They mentioned a couple of interesting tid-bits about him though. First that he "started working in the Dominican Republic at age 11." Which is pretty crazy, but you’ve gotta admire it.

Then they said that from the age of "14, the A’s were scouting him [Tejada] but he was so frail that they had to feed him until he was 16 and then they signed him."

They also went on to say that he didn’t own a baseball glove until he was 19, which I find a little difficult to believe, being that he was signed for 3 years at that point and is a damn fine shortstop who showed that off for a national audience last night.

But I do have a problem with his complete lack of comprehension of the English Language. I understand that when Americans go play baseball over in Japan, they don’t usually bother to learn the language, which is equally annoying, and if I was Japanese, it would piss me off.

Miguel Tejada is 29 years old, and has had some dealings with an American "company" (that would be the Oakland A’s) since he was 14 years old. So that means for MORE THAN HALF of his life, he has been training to play baseball in America. His training has obviously paid off.

I was wondering, when he was asked a question about the home run he hit and instead answered about the car he had won, why doesn’t this man have a firm grasp on the English language. I’m not saying that this is his fault either. Somewhere along the line someone should have seen that the kid was going to be in the national spotlight and would need to give interviews. Jesus Christ, learning to speak English would play dividends just on the strength of endorsement deals. Most of his teammates speak English, as do his managers, his opponents, the press, etc. etc. etc. Would it have really killed anyone if as they were grooming him to be an all-star, someone decided to take the time to help him with his English so he didn’t look like a moron on national television??

Possibly offensive.

Now I’ve never really been too much of a major vocal supporter for racially motivated violence. Racism is all good and well. It has its place, behind closed doors, when you and your cracker-ass cracker friends from places that end in "field" or "port" are sipping brandy and consulting government officials on how to manipulate public fear into private gain for your corporations. And we’ve all learned that if you are on TV it’s not racism, it’s comedy. Or journalism, depending on what channel you are watching. Damn that Jewish media. I get all my news from al-jazeera.

Moving right along, I wasn’t at all up in arms when that overweight wop (pictured above) from Howard Beach batted down that black kid a couple of weeks ago. People, in their infinite quest to hold-hands and sing folks around a drum circle while eating granola, seem to forget that as recently as the mid-60’s, the cities climate was basically that of a constant race war.

It’s not like people were attacking each other left and right on the subway, but more-so when a group or gang of youthful whites, blacks or Hispanics rolled into a neighborhood where they "didn’t belong" (in the old fashioned sense) they got confronted, beaten down and chased the fuck out.

Gone are they good old days of cops on the take, when neighborhoods were policed by people who lived in them and vengeance was swift, sudden and certain. I’m not saying that we haven’t come a long way, but motherfuckers act like we were already there.

People seem to forget that there are many, many neighborhoods where a white kid can’t walk down the street during the day, minding their own business, without being the target of a robbery by the prevailing ethnic group. I never harbored any delusions that the few times I was literally chased out of Harlem as a teen-aged weed purchaser were because I looked rich. It was because I was white, and if I started catching a bad one, ain’t no one calling the cops. It is what it is. I’m sure Al "Oops" Sharpton won’t be visiting Harlem anytime soon to protest all the racially-motivated robberies. The newspapers don’t seem to care, and if you try to talk to anyone about it, it seems like a foregone conclusion that white people have no business in black and Hispanic neighborhoods, and if anything bad happens to them, they brought it upon themselves in the first place simply by being there. Fuck that.

Now most white neighborhoods aren’t "white" neighborhoods so much as "wealthy" and therefore the police diligently patrol them and stop, search, arrest and hassle people for doing shit that wouldn’t raise an eyebrow in the poorer hoods.

Howard Beach is not your typical white neighborhood. It is an "old school" place, where unfortunately a lot of my countrymen hold some pretty ass-backwards views on race relations. It saddens me, but it’s the way it is and sitting around with a frown on my face and my thumb in my ass ain’t gonna change a damn thing.

Getting to my final point, if there really was one….

According to the New York Post (hey guys, I’m looking for a job) "Richard Wood, whose black friend was beaten by a white man in the Queens neighborhood last month, ripped a gold chain off his 18-year-old victim as an accomplice cocked a loaded pistol on a subway train Sunday in Brooklyn, police said."

No, I’m not making this up.

You would think that maybe, just maybe, seeing first-hand that crime doesn’t pay in the form of your friends fucking skull bashed in with a bat would have scared you straight. Oh no, not Richard Wood. Why he isn’t in custody after admitting to planning on stealing a car is beyond me.

So I proposed we spring Fat Nick from jail and let him get a little practice in on Richard Wood before the all-star game tonight. That stupid motherfucker just ruined the case against Fat Nick being a hate-crime (hitting someone in the head with a bat is still a crime though) and for all intents and purposes could have serious backlash for the black community as a whole, what with all the "outrage".

I’m gonna smoke some yolks and see how this all turns out.

"Josephine?? Nah, I ain’t worried about that bitch. My life is a natural high."

CLICK TO ENLARGE..

I don’t know who Juanito is or isn’t, but if he didn’t really have a sex change, he has some funny motherfucking friends.