Fat People: How to Lose Weight
In my daily life, I come into contact with lots of people who could stand to shed a few pounds. Having always been thin myself, I never had to deal with issues like trying to slim down, however I have a lifetime of experience in not getting fat. As I see all of these diets and "liposuction" and Anna Nicole-Smith on the train slanging Trimspa in "spanish" being pushed on people as viable ways to lose weight, I’m wondering why no one just tells these people to stop eating so much.
Shit, I know people who are trying to lose weight who eat 3 fucking meals a day. 3 whole meals. Breakfast, lunch and dinner. Now I don’t understand Americas love affair with food and I never have. But even assuming that you enjoy eating, it doesn’t mean that having three meals a day is your right. I’ve lived almost my entire life eating rarely, and usually only as a precursor (sp?) to drinking.
Normally, I wake up at 9am get a cup of coffee at 10am and drink a few glasses of water. For lunch I take a walk and smoke a stoge. When I get home around 6:30, I’ll take a gravity bong hit and around 7:30 I’ll start thinking, now I’m hungry like I gotta eat. So, then I’ll eat dinner. And I’m not talking some fucking grandiose 5-course meal or anything like that. I’m talking like a Pastrami sandwich.
So, in summation here is my diet plan and how you and your obese homies can slim down before bikini season.
1: don’t eat breakfast.
2: don’t eat lunch.
3: try walking somewhere every once in a while.
4: try and cough a lot (thats how my abs stay ripped, thanks again to the gravity bong)
5: eat a reasonable dinner.
6: remind yourself that food doesn’t get you high or give you blowjobs and eating can be a terrible waste of time, not unlike sleep.
good luck with everything, and like I told everyone back during the gras of 04, "remember to eat, just not that much."
